Politics articles

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Stormont balls to be replaced with community halls, confirms Brokenshire

Stormont balls to be replaced with community halls, confirms Brokenshire

As Stormont collapses yet again, the Secretary of State has come up with an original solution to the ongoing problems- in future, the parties will each hold their own Assembly in community venues of their choice. His unusual decision follows a weekend which saw First Minister Arlene Foster choose Brookeborough Orange Hall to begin her

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“School Assembly” to replace Stormont in radical shake-up

As arguments rage over the latest Stormont crisis, the British and Irish governments have stunned political observers by replacing the assembly with a random selection of small children from local primary schools, in the vague hope that they might actually start getting something done. The new “School Assembly” took over the reins of government this

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Angry Turkeys get another chance to vote for Christmas

Turkeys across the country are celebrating wildly today as the fantastic opportunity to vote for yet another Christmas presented itself. The election looks likely after the shockingly unsurprising resignation of Deputy Farm Minister Marty McSpreader finally gave the angry birds the chance to get revenge on their masters. “The barn would’ve sweltered you the last few months!” complained Gary

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Foster vows to repay £400m with new Renewable Eating Scheme

As the Renewable Heat Initiative (RHI) scandal grows, revealing that the beneficiaries include a former DUP adviser, a Free Presbyterian Church and a Ferrari showroom – NI’s First Minister has unveiled an even more ambitious follow-up which she hopes will restore our faith in politicians. The new ‘Renewable Eating Scheme’ aims to incentivise ordinary taxpayers

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Stormont executive fails to organise P*ss up in brewery

After agreeing to pay for a ferry that doesn’t work, and to cover the world’s biggest heating bill, recriminations are once again flying at Stormont over the failure to organise this year’s Christmas party, which had been planned as ‘a drinks-related celebration in a premises which brews and ferments alcoholic beverages’. “No-one’s really sure how

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