Drunk people across Northern Ireland are celebrating this evening after the University of Ulster revealed that getting wrote aff during Euro 2016 will not only be good craic, it will also provide a massive boost to the economy. Experts at...
After decades of taunting from people who angrily quit work, one local boss has finally made good on an age-old parting suggestion and literally stuck his job up his arse. "It started like any other shift" explained Chuck McNugget from Belfast Fried Chicken. "Kayleigh was on the tills...
Following news that the proposed merger between Asda & Sainsbury's was in jeopardy, The Ulster Fry has learned the NI Parades Commission were the main objectors. "Whilst amalgamating the green and orange logos of these two leading supermarkets will not...
With yet more technical difficulties striking their services today, Ulster Bank chiefs have confirmed that they are set to convert their holdings into a chain of bookies, in an effort to improve the chances of actually making a cash withdrawal...
DUP stalwart Edwin Poots stunned the local business community today by announcing a 'sexy' new restaurant franchise for a modern day Northern Ireland. Eponymously entitled "Pooters", the fast food chain intends to set pulses racing amongst God fearin' Ulster voters, thanks to...
First time homebuyers are set to start lying again, as the cost of residential property slowly returns to the pre-recession price bracket of ‘unaffordable’. Following several years of devaluation across the property market, during which time people actually could afford...
Cultural commentators across the globe have agreed that Western Civilisation can advance no further after an off licence in Lurgan unveiled the Buckfast Easter Egg. "Writers, artists, inventors and scientists can just give up now," said that BBC culture expert...
Northern Irish drinkers were left furious after reports emerged that one of Belfast's most treasured places to not swing a cat is being sent home because it's a foreigner. "Si senor, they have told us to pack up our sheet...
A Buckna Butcher has hit out at his shopkeeper neighbours for cashing in on what he describes as the only day of the year he can make a profit. Nevin Bacon spent the day standing outside his shop growling in...
Experts at Larne School of Economics have warned that unless the government steps in soon, there may be a chronic flag shortage in Northern Ireland by 2018. Dr Mervyn Fullerton, head of the think tank, claims that “since Naomi Long...

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Ryanair begin charging customers to look out the window

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