A report published today by the Craigavon College of Inferior Design has shattered the long-held belief that women instinctively know shitloads of colour names that men have never even heard of. Laughing about it today local housewife Jane Dulux told her husband "Ah I was only messing with you honey....
A report released today by the University of Moneyslane sensationally claims that there has been a marked decline in the quality of dogs over the last few decades. Professor Jack Russell, of the university's Canine Law department says that their...
People across the country are about to lose their shit it has been revealed, as everyone continues to enquire how everyone else managed to survive two weeks at home - with only 90 cans of lager, 10 litres of...
1. Newsreader Moira Stewart is so popular in County Down that they named the town of Moira after her. They had planned on calling it Stewartstown but her fans in County Tyrone got in first. A state of war has...
With the latest weather forecast indicating it would 'founder ye', the Ulster Fry has learned that one local couple intend to spend their Saturday evening agonising over a takeaway menu for ages - before ordering the same shite they always get. The couple who claim they 'fancy a wee...
After a miserable weekend during which the weather only ever stopped raining to go for a pish, a new report from the Department of Meh has revealed that 82% of the population are currently looking forward to getting home and into...
As people across NI prepare to 'Go Sober For October', one group of fundraisers have flipped the idea and are planning to get totally wrote-aff for a month instead. "We're still giving all the dough we raise to Macmillian Cancer...
Last week's we gave you a list of Catholic phrases that no self-respecting Protestant would ever use, and promised you an 'other-ways-round' version. This is it. "The Mainland": When referring to England, Scotland and Wales. The only Catholics who refer to...
A study commissioned by the University of Lurgan has come to the conclusion that the standard of basic manners in Northern Ireland has slipped to 'unacceptable levels'. "We've spent months on the the survey," explains Dr Henry Doorholder or the...
People who invite you round to their house to use a hot-tub actually want to have sex with you, your partner, and probably your family pets, research conducted by The Ulster Fry has revealed. The survey, which by coincidence has...

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Ryanair begin charging customers to look out the window

In the aftermath of today's Ryanair theft scandal, in which hackers stole $5 million from the company, the famously frugal airline have announced their latest money-spinning innovation - which charges passengers to look out...