Following an angry reaction to news that a recruitment drive would focus on the LGBT community, the PSNI's top brass have relented and confirmed that they would try to hire loads of homophobes to redress the balance. The news had brought the expected objections on...
Arguing about stuff on social media is now one of the most serious threats to public health in Northern Ireland, an expert we found on the internet has warned. A combination of the marching season, Brexit, Jeremy Corbyn and now...
The PSNI has made a swift move to clamp down on so-called "Killer Clowns" here, by hiring well-known superhero Batman to deal with the dicks behind it. The craze, which began in America of course, involves arseholes dressing up as...
Millions of car clocks suddenly tell the right time again today following last night's time change, the Ulster Fry has learned. The discovery has delighted drivers everywhere, who have been painstakingly re-training their brains to do a simple maths...
A County Armagh man has been stripped of all benefit entitlements after ignoring repeated warnings about wearing his coat indoors. It is understood that government inspectors spotted 43-year-old James Barbour wearing a Parka jacket whilst watching television at 11am this...
In a move seemingly designed to offend many of its readers, the Belfast Telegraph wound back the clock today with a front-page headline that screamed "6 out of 10 babies born out of wedlock". The article went on to tell...
The Northern Ireland team has returned home victorious from the World Taking Offence at Stuff Championships, held this week in Tokyo, China. The sport involves teams being shown images, text and film which is generally considered innocuous, but in which...
New legislation introduced at Stormont today will require groups of teenage girls to spend less time squealing at each other whilst using public transport, it has emerged. The move comes amid growing concern in legal circles that the increasingly irrational...
Traffic chaos engulfed mid-Antrim yesterday, after an elderly couple decided to pass an hour - by going driving for a few hours. Sadie Wollensock and her husband Arthur 'took a notion' for ice-cream yesterday, hopping into their beloved Rover Metro in search...
The people of Belfast have taken to the streets in protest at what has been described as an "unprecedented shortage" of bins. It is understood that crowds began to gather around City Hall after council officials revealed that their new...

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Ryanair begin charging customers to look out the window

In the aftermath of today's Ryanair theft scandal, in which hackers stole $5 million from the company, the famously frugal airline have announced their latest money-spinning innovation - which charges passengers to look out...