There is growing concern among Belfast residents that plans to improve the road link to the West may lead to some kind of Culchie Apocalypse. For decades Belfast has managed to shield itself from the worst excesses of culchyism, mainly by ensuring that...
In a move described as 'highly unusual' by police, Loyalist Paramilitaries have issued a threat against themselves in East Belfast. "Apparently it's part of a crackdown on anti-social behaviour," said Chief Inspector Keith N Spector. "They seem to have finally...
An investigation by the Ulster Fry has discovered that the proposed closure of the University of Ulster's modern languages department is due to a plan to begin teaching the complex symbolism of emoticons and 'Emojis'. According to our source, the...
The United Nations has been forced to declare a State of Emergency in Belfast after a change in the city's bin collection rota led to widespread disorder. Attempts by the City Council to roll out the new schedule ended in...
The people of Larne are celebrating this evening after a 54 year old local man set a new world record for the most impressive indoor fireworks display ever created. 44 year old Rowland Candle told us that he decided to...
The Irish wedding industry faces a growing crisis today, amid concerns that sneaking cheap drink into hotels is becoming increasingly difficult - after another weekend of  boozy wedding receptions across the country. Guests at 2015 weddings have noted alarming levels of dirty looks from hotel...
Following the removal of sexy promotional girls from high profile events including Formula 1, darts and road racing, the Northern Ireland Parades Commission have announced they're banning provocatively dressed ladies from all future parades. "For too long now crowds at...
Derry wans are pure raging according to reports, following the bizarre news that the place over the border they go to for dodgy diesel and pokes has been named one of the 'coolest' places in the entire world to visit. "Your hole it is!" said Ralph Mullan, a 27 year...
With the Holylands area of Belfast once again awash with St Patrick's Day vomit, we can reveal that the United Nations is to send in a  Peacekeeping Force of Tyrone Mammies in an attempt to diffuse tensions. The students began...
The Office of First and Deputy First Minister has stunned the world of calendar manufacturing by announcing that from 2017 the days of the week will be renamed - to reflect the local bin collection regime. The move follows a...

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Ryanair begin charging customers to look out the window

In the aftermath of today's Ryanair theft scandal, in which hackers stole $5 million from the company, the famously frugal airline have announced their latest money-spinning innovation - which charges passengers to look out...