After reports of flashing orange lights and manic laughter from DUP headquarters, party SPADS confirmed last night that East Antrim MP Sammy Wilson had successfully created 16 copies of himself as part of a plan to defend the border...
A Shoreditch hipster has claimed to be the first person in the country to think that the DUP are a bunch of arseholes, it has emerged. 25-year-old Peckham Market told us that he'd googled the DUP "ages ago". "Yeah like, I'd been...
DUP leader Arlene Foster's campaign to hold on to the First Minister position has received a surprising boost today, the apparent endorsement of aliens from outer space. The news came to light after several mysterious crop circles appeared in fields...
There is growing consternation in Republican circles today amid rumours that several senior members of Sinn Fein, including leader Gerry Adams, have accepted awards in the Queen's Birthday Honours list. The information came to light after Mr Adams tweeted a photo of himself alongside...
Following last night's 11th hour announcement that NI's school kids should stay at home this morning, Stormont has reassured parents that their youngsters are today getting a unique insight into the life of an MLA. "We're using this shutdown as an opportunity to find...
Tory Chancellor George Osborne was unfortunately struck down with a chronic dose of smugness this morning, forcing him to turn to his Uncle Ozzy to present the budget. The Black Sabbath frontman is not well known for his economic acumen, but...
A relatively unknown election candidate has leap-frogged into pole-position for the hotly contested Belfast South seat today - after he promised voters 'a free burrito'. Liam Rice, an independent running on his own ticket in the local elections, unveiled his unique manifesto promise at lunchtime...
Tory supporters across the UK are 'extremely concerned' it has emerged, after Googling the Democratic Unionist Party and discovering they are even more hateful than the people they voted for. “I’m absolutely disgusted."revealed 31 year old Tory fan, Branston Pickle. "I mean, blocking a woman’s right to...
As the scandal grows over the handling of the Social Investment Fund in Northern Ireland, several charities and community groups here are sensationally set to re-position themselves as terror groups in a bid to get better funding. "We heard all the...
Controversial street artist Banksy appears to have waded into Northern Irish politics after one of his murals appeared on a "peace wall" in North Belfast this morning. Surprisingly it seems that the guerilla artist has thrown his weight behind Jim Allister, as...

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Ryanair begin charging customers to look out the window

In the aftermath of today's Ryanair theft scandal, in which hackers stole $5 million from the company, the famously frugal airline have announced their latest money-spinning innovation - which charges passengers to look out...