Despite enjoying 71% possession yesterday against Chelsea, United returned to Manchester last night with a disappointing zero points. Football pundits shared widely varying theories on the demise afterwards, but our source at Stamford Bridge speculated that United’s failure to score...
Animal welfare charities are fearful that small children everywhere will be demanding dancing horses this Christmas, following Great Britain's Gold Medal in yesterday's dressage. Charlotte Dujardin, which is French for something to do with gardens, scooped top spot whilst sitting...
Sportsman Rory McIlroy still has more ‘money than God’ according to a leading finance expert. The Holywood golfer went to court in Dublin yesterday, where he settled with his former agents for an undisclosed amount, rumoured to be at least...
Thousands of football fans across Northern Ireland find themselves in a severe quandary today as their two favourite sides prepare to meet in a Champions League qualifying match. "There's a real cross-over in the fan-base of both clubs," we were...
After years of turning up at star-studded events carrying massive wads of cash, Conor McGregor and Floyd Mayweather are finally set to open current accounts following their half-billion dollar bout, the Ulster Fry has learned. "I'm sick of keeping all my...
With grim stories about the shoddy facilities at the Olympic Village in Rio still emerging just hours before the opening ceremony, the IOC have admitted it's design is based on County Tyrone. "When we were asked to build a 'village' we panicked" admitted Brazilian architect, Flavio Flavela....
Energy drinks manufacturer Lucozade has been blamed for the disappointing displays of all four 'Home Nations' in the Rugby World Cup. The company's much advertised decision to label their Sport range "for Home Nations only" appears to have backfired dramatically, as first...
Today's Belfast Marathon was sensationally hijacked by the local elections, after the country's main political parties began rerouting runners to support their own agenda. The furore began this morning at around 9.15am, as the first of the 17,000 runners made...
Thousands of football fans across Northern Ireland find themselves in a severe quandary today as their two favourite sides prepare to meet in a Champions League qualifying match. "There's a real cross-over in the fan-base of both clubs," we were told by...

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Ryanair begin charging customers to look out the window

In the aftermath of today's Ryanair theft scandal, in which hackers stole $5 million from the company, the famously frugal airline have announced their latest money-spinning innovation - which charges passengers to look out...