Parents hire secretary to deal with school emails

A Dundonald couple have hired a secretary to deal with the endless stream of correspondence from their son’s primary school, it has emerged.

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A Dundonald couple have hired a secretary to deal with the endless stream of correspondence from their son’s primary school, it has emerged.

Lottie Letters and her partner Justin Box discovered they were spending on average around 23 & ½ hours per day reading countless emails, texts, memos, app notifications, DMs and handwritten messages sent by carrier pigeon from their child’s school. 

In a desperate bid to regain some control over their lives, the pair have employed a professional secretary to read the correspondence for them. 

‘Finally, five minutes to myself’, said Lottie, while waxing her upper lip for the first time in months.

‘It was ok at the beginning. One or two emails per day. But once I downloaded the app my life was over as I knew it’. 

‘When I closed my eyes at night I could see PDF attachments, sponsor forms and my child’s dreadful drawings’.

‘I miss the old days when you found a crumpled up letter covered in yoghurt and Tayto Cheese & Onion at the bottom of their school bag about three weeks after it was sent home’.

Her partner Justin was less diplomatic about the situation.

‘Did I really need the school to tell me he was Star of the Week? The wee ballix told me as soon as he got in the car’.

‘But the final straw came when the carrier pigeon sh*t on my freshly washed car. That’s when I asked Sandra from work if she fancied a bit of unpaid overtime’.