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“The DUP ate my hamster”, claims family man

“The DUP ate my hamster”, claims family man

The DUP’s image in the UK was further tarnished today, after party leader Arlene Foster was accused of eating a family’s pet hamster amid ongoing talks with the Conservative Party. “She landed to our house the other day slabbering that she was ‘top dog now’ and demanding that us ‘peasants’ make her tea and biscuits!” alleged 38 year old Peterborough

10 things you never knew about Northern Ireland: a guide for English folk

With all the political shenanigans at Westminster, loads of English people are suddenly interested in the goings-on in Northern Ireland. We’ve put together this handy primer to help them understand this complex place…. 1. Northern Ireland has a population of 18 million, divided into Protestants, Catholics and Others. Protestants want Northern Ireland to be part of Scotland

“Barra Best’s face appeared on my toast,” claims local woman

A Ballymena housewife has claimed that the face of cherubic weather forecaster Barra Best SENSATIONALLY appeared on her slice of toast, leading to fears that he may be some kind of Messiah 42-year-old Semolina Pudding contacted The Ulster Fry shortly after her breakfast this morning, and revealed her SHOCKING story. “I was making breakfast for the children

Pope Francis and President Trump review Norn Iron’s top tourist attractions

The Pope and President Trump hit it off so well during their meeting last week that they decided to go on holidays together – right here in Northern Ireland! The powerful pair also agreed to review some of our best known visitor destinations, exclusively for The Ulster Fry. We think it’s fair to say that their faces

First Irish satellite “will get you all the channels for nathin”, says dodgy astronomer in pub

The first Irish satellite will be able to get you “Sky movies, sports, the lat” claims a slightly dodgy looking scientist we met whilst doing undercover investigations in the pub yesterday. According to official statements, the EIRSAT1 is being developed jointly by Queen’s University Belfast and University College Dublin, but our source tells us that a

North Kilrea placed on high alert amid fears of Korea mix-up

The ruling council of North Kilrea has raised the region’s security status to ‘Def-Con-Wan hi’ amid fears that US President Donald Trump may be preparing for military action in the area. “We’re taking the threat very seriously ,” the President of the local Sheepdog Society, Jim-Young-Wan told us, “The citizens of the Democratic People’s Republic of North Kilrea will

Fury as passenger is ejected from Translink Goldliner service.

There is widespread anger on social media today after a passenger was forcibly removed from the 238 Express service from Belfast to Newry. In a virtual mirror image of what happened on a United Airlines flight yesterday, the incident occurred after the passenger, named locally as Justin Thyme, took his seat at the Europa terminus.

Photo Credit Kenneth Allen

Fury as Newtownstewart removes the word Easter from its name

There was outrage in the sleepy County Tyrone town of Newtownstewart today after it emerged that the National Trust had removed the letters of the word Easter from its road-sign. The wanton act of vandalism was spotted by a passing motorist who missed his turn off after thinking he was somewhere called Nwtownwt, and ended up driving

Hacking Smart TVs “completely pointless in Northern Ireland” admits CIA

Attempts by the US Central Intelligence Agency to monitor fundamentalist groups in Northern Ireland by hacking so-called ‘Smart’ devices such as TVs and Phones have failed miserably, security sources have revealed. “Basically this involves accessing the device’s microphone or camera,” says top US spymaster Felix Lighter, “but to be honest when we tried it on you

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