World news articles


Armagh church outshines Galway drive-thru with ‘Car wAsh Wednesday’

Armagh church outshines Galway drive-thru with ‘Car wAsh Wednesday’

Following the announcement of a drive-thru Ash Wednesday at a church in Galway, an Armagh chapel are going one better with a scheme that will additionally wash and shine your car for charity. ‘Car wAsh Wednesday’ is the brainchild of Father Paul Pitt from St Patricks in Armagh, who says he was planning his event before the drive-thru


DUP unveil Trump-like travel ban for Northern Ireland

With scandal engulfing the United States following Donald Trump’s travel ban, the DUP today unveiled an updated election manifesto which proposes a similar scheme in Northern Ireland. “The first country we’ll ban will be the Republic of Ireland of course!” revealed Arlene Foster earlier. “We’re not sure how hard the border can become after Brexit,


Toddlers with guns to patrol U.S. borders, confirms Trump

Following a ban preventing citizens of any Muslim nations that aren’t rich enough to trade weapons or oil with the U.S. from entering the country, Donald Trump has revealed another ambitious new plan to keep American citizens safe. “We’ve lots of great kids who can shoot really fantastically!” said Trump at this morning’s press conference.


Government places remaining celebrities on endangered species list

The sad passing of George Michael yesterday, combined with the loss of Status Quo’s Rick Parfitt on Christmas Eve, has forced the authorities to issue an immediate ‘cotton wool wrapping’ of all remaining well loved celebrities. “We’re facing a national famous people shortage,” said Major Huge Grant from the Government’s top secret Celebrity Conservation Committee.


“OK, no one wants to remember 2016”, Facebook finally admits

Following the launch of a video generator to remind everyone how great 2016 was, Facebook today admitted that most users are avoiding it because they ‘aren’t clean buck mental’. “With hindsight this was a terrible idea” admitted Facebook manager, Sharon Lyke. “Between Brexit and Trump, the deaths of Muhammad Ali, Prince and Bowie, terrorist attacks and loads more of our favourite celebs kicking