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TerrorTV

Hacking Smart TVs “completely pointless in Northern Ireland” admits CIA

Hacking Smart TVs “completely pointless in Northern Ireland” admits CIA

Attempts by the US Central Intelligence Agency to monitor fundamentalist groups in Northern Ireland by hacking so-called ‘Smart’ devices such as TVs and Phones have failed miserably, security sources have revealed. “Basically this involves accessing the device’s microphone or camera,” says top US spymaster Felix Lighter, “but to be honest when we tried it on you

airportban

DUP unveil Trump-like travel ban for Northern Ireland

With scandal engulfing the United States following Donald Trump’s travel ban, the DUP today unveiled an updated election manifesto which proposes a similar scheme in Northern Ireland. “The first country we’ll ban will be the Republic of Ireland of course!” revealed Arlene Foster earlier. “We’re not sure how hard the border can become after Brexit,

toddlerguns

Toddlers with guns to patrol U.S. borders, confirms Trump

Following a ban preventing citizens of any Muslim nations that aren’t rich enough to trade weapons or oil with the U.S. from entering the country, Donald Trump has revealed another ambitious new plan to keep American citizens safe. “We’ve lots of great kids who can shoot really fantastically!” said Trump at this morning’s press conference.

buzz

Government places remaining celebrities on endangered species list

The sad passing of George Michael yesterday, combined with the loss of Status Quo’s Rick Parfitt on Christmas Eve, has forced the authorities to issue an immediate ‘cotton wool wrapping’ of all remaining well loved celebrities. “We’re facing a national famous people shortage,” said Major Huge Grant from the Government’s top secret Celebrity Conservation Committee.

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