Politics articles

Adams-DUP

Gerry Adams gets rousing reception as he launches DUP election manifesto

Gerry Adams gets rousing reception as he launches DUP election manifesto

Gerry Adams was the surprise guest at today’s DUP election manifesto launch, and was greeted warmly by the party faithful. “Thank God you’re here,” North Belfast MP Nigel Dodds was heard to whisper to the Sinn Fein President. “We thought were on a hiding to nothing this election, what with all that RHI stuff floating about. Then it

Stormont-Snake

Nokia reintroduces 3310 phone “to sort out Stormont crisis”

Finnish technology firm Nokia has stepped in to rescue the failing Northern Irish political system by relaunching one of its most iconic phone models as the answer to many of the Assembly’s problems. “We have been watching developments in your country with interest,” explains Lumia Ericsson, head of the company’s Random Flights of Fancy Department, “and it

16443099_1392641410754633_1164255757_o

How to deal with election canvassers

In most democracies people have elections every four or five years, but in Northern Ireland they’ve become an annual event. Needless to say, this is a very dangerous time for your average citizen, as at any point the doorbell might ring and there could be some ganch standing outside demanding to know how you intend

Givan-Unicorn

Paul Givan to fund new Unicorn Riding School in Hillsborough

Following the news that outgoing Communities Minister Paul Givan allocated £25,000 of public funding to an Ulster Scots Society that didn’t even exist, The Ulster Fry has learned that several other imaginary local projects are now set to be realised at the tax payers expense. “Wasting the public’s money on things they don’t really believe

dissidents

Dissidents launch election campaign in North Belfast

Dissident Republicans unveiled their vision for the future of Northern Ireland last night, with the attempted murder of a police officer on the Crumlin Road. Welcoming the news, prominent North Belfast Dissident Liam Excuse told reporters that the attack demonstrated that his movement offered a positive alternative to the democratic process. “Our politicians tell us that

school_assembly

“School Assembly” to replace Stormont in radical shake-up

As arguments rage over the latest Stormont crisis, the British and Irish governments have stunned political observers by replacing the assembly with a random selection of small children from local primary schools, in the vague hope that they might actually start getting something done. The new “School Assembly” took over the reins of government this

turkeys

Angry Turkeys get another chance to vote for Christmas

Turkeys across the country are celebrating wildly today as the fantastic opportunity to vote for yet another Christmas presented itself. The election looks likely after the shockingly unsurprising resignation of Deputy Farm Minister Marty McSpreader finally gave the angry birds the chance to get revenge on their masters. “The barn would’ve sweltered you the last few months!” complained Gary

Top