Politics articles


Politicians prepare to get back to doing nothing

Politicians prepare to get back to doing nothing

After spending several days discussing the rights and wrongs of the life of Martin McGuinness, local politicians have agreed to end their ceasefire and return to the important business of failing to reach an agreement on the way forward at Stormont. “It is important that we preserve Martin’s legacy,” said Sinn Fein leader Gerry Adams at a


Martina Anderson ‘not wrote aff’ say Sinn Fein

Senior members of Sinn Fein have hit out at rumours that Martina Anderson was completely blocked as she delivered a rant to an empty European Parliament. Ms Anderson appeared to have been celebrating St Patrick’s Day a bit early as she launched into a bizarre tirade against Theresa May, who was not actually in the


Gerry Adams to let Michelle O’Neill speak as International Women’s Day gesture

Following a series of embarrassing media engagements yesterday in which Michelle O’Neill kept her trap shut so the big man could speak, Gerry Adams today revealed plans to let her actually say stuff in celebration of International Women’s Day (IWD). “I think it’s important that we mark the valuable contribution women have made in our society,” began Adams at


What to watch out for in the leaders’ debate

It’s the last leaders’ debate before the election tonight, a final chance for everyone to mull over some tough questions – how do I decide between the DUP and Sinn Fein? Should I vote Alliance or TUV? What time’s this shite over? To help you understand the high level debate that’ll be on display we’ve put


Nokia reintroduces 3310 phone “to sort out Stormont crisis”

Finnish technology firm Nokia has stepped in to rescue the failing Northern Irish political system by relaunching one of its most iconic phone models as the answer to many of the Assembly’s problems. “We have been watching developments in your country with interest,” explains Lumia Ericsson, head of the company’s Random Flights of Fancy Department, “and it


How to deal with election canvassers

In most democracies people have elections every four or five years, but in Northern Ireland they’ve become an annual event. Needless to say, this is a very dangerous time for your average citizen, as at any point the doorbell might ring and there could be some ganch standing outside demanding to know how you intend