Local News

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Lisburn City Council votes to ban Monster Munch in schools

Councillors in Lisburn and Castlereagh have sensationally voted to support a ban on the sale of the popular corn based snack Monster Munch in schools across the district. Downshire East DUP representative Carson Robinson had proposed the controversial motion, arguing that the crisps are “symbolic of either evolution or Satanism, probably both.” “The name of

World news

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North Kilrea placed on high alert amid fears of Korea mix-up

The ruling council of North Kilrea has raised the region’s security status to ‘Def-Con-Wan hi’ amid fears that US President Donald Trump may be preparing for military action in the area. “We’re taking the threat very seriously ,” the President of the local Sheepdog Society, Jim-Young-Wan told us, “The citizens of the Democratic People’s Republic of North Kilrea will

Business

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Innovative Belfast barber shop to only offer haircuts

The world of male grooming was turned on it’s head today, as one Belfast barber shop unveiled an audacious plan to simply cut men’s hair without trying to pretend they are prize fighters, 1920’s dockers, lumberjacks or vikings. Nick’s Barbers on Queen Street shocked business experts by insisting that they won’t be selling craft beer at the

Entertainment

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EXCLUSIVE: Fast & Furious 9 to be filmed in Northern Ireland

With their eighth globetrotting instalment currently breaking box office records, Vin Diesel has confirmed that the next Fast & Furious movie will be shot in Northern Ireland. “Toretto’s crew is going back-to-basics!” revealed Diesel. “Their cash is running out, so they’ll be relying on their wits, instincts and ability to spot a clinker at the mid-Ulster auctions to get back on the road!” His co-star Michelle Rodriguez

Sport

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BBC reveals ‘All England’ Sports Personality of the Year plans

In the light of the controversial decision to omit prominent Northern Irish sports people like Carl Frampton, Jonathan Rea, Bethany Firth and Jackie Fullerton from the Sports Personality shortlist this year, BBC Executives have confirmed that in future the award will be renamed the All-England Personality of the Year. “There’s no point in beating about

Politics

School

Northern Ireland schools to be funded through supermarket loyalty cards

With the Stormont talks still in deadlock, the Conservative government has unveiled a radical new funding programme for the education sector in Northern Ireland. “It’s perfectly simple,” Secretary of State James Brokenshite told the House of Commons. “Instead of giving principals something extravagant like an adequate amount of money to run a school, we’re going to issue

Lifestyle

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Rory McIlroy to spend over £43 on lavish wedding

Star golf player Rory McIlroy is to blow an astonishing £43.60 on an extravagant wedding at a castle in Co. Mayo. The superstar, who is marrying his fiancée, has told close pals that he intends to “pull out all the stops” for the ceremony. The Ulster Fry understands that the pair spent £16 in the

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