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    PSNI to enforce controversial new ‘Sunday Driving Curfew’

    There were jubilant scenes across Northern Ireland today, after the PSNI unveiled a revolutionary new ‘Sunday Driving Curfew’, which will force people who don’t actually know how to drive properly to do it before noon each Sabbath day. “Now that we’re not always knocking seven shades of shite out of each other” explained top traffic cop, Jerry Datsun “policing in…

    World news

    North Korea launches ‘first missile back at school day’

    North Korean supremo Kim Jong-un has joined in with National Take a Photo of Your Child at the Front Door Day by posting photos of his favourite missiles standing outside their launch sites. In an exclusive interview with The Ulster Fry, the normally secretive leader explained that he just wanted to show a softer side to…

    Business

    Ryanair Chief to receive Honorary Boot up the Hole Award.

    Ryanair Chief Executive Michael O’Leary is the bookie’s favourite for the ‘People’s Choice’ prize at the annual Boot up the Hole Awards ceremony, organised by The Ulster Fry website. Mr O’Leary has been nominated for the gong following his decision to cancel his airline’s flights from Belfast to London until next March, despite having already…

    Entertainment

    Game of Thrones fans set up protest camp at Dark Hedges

    Angry Game of Thrones fans have established a “Twaddel style” protest camp at the Dark Hedges in Country Antrim, furious that they are no longer allowed to drive down their traditional route. Fans of the show have flocked from all corners of the Seven Kingdoms, leading to fears of Medieval Fantasy based violence, possibly involving…

    Sport

    Complex World Cup draw “designed to keep you lot apart” confirms FIFA

    The world football authorities have admitted that their massively complicated second place play-off formula was specifically designed to ensure that the two teams in Ireland wouldn’t meet at any point. “It was OK when Northern Ireland was vaguely shit,” says Hans Ball, the FIFA Vice-President responsible for corruption. “We knew all we had to do was…

    Politics

    Stormont launches money-spinning “adult” chatline.

    Civil servants have revealed an audacious plan to raise money from the never-ending talks at Stormont, by allowing voters to call a special “dirty” phone line and listen in to the politicians at work. “These talks have been going on for ages, and no one seems to have a clue what’s going on,” we were told…

    Lifestyle

    8 almost interesting facts about County Down

    1. Newsreader Moira Stewart is so popular in County Down that they named the town of Moira after her. They had planned on calling it Stewartstown but her fans in County Tyrone got in first. A state of war has existed between Down and Tyrone ever since. 2. Named after a local hotel, Slieve Donard is…

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