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OJ Simpson lined up as Justice Minister if Assembly ever gets off its hole

OJ Simpson lined up as Justice Minister if Assembly ever gets off its hole

Controversial, but innocent, former US sportsman OJ Simpson has been sensationally lined up for the Justice Minister’s role at Stormont when he is released from prison. It is understood that Sinn Fein’s Northern Commander Michelle O’Neill originally proposed the actor’s name, claiming that he had all the experience needed for the job. “Mr Simpson is

Ancient Norn Iron tapestry revealed by historians

Following news that Game of Thrones now has its own Bayeux style tapestry in the Ulster Museum, prominent historians have revealed that they already had a very similar artefact in storage. Dating from the 12th Century, The Buck-you Tapestry tells the story of life in Northern Ireland in medieval times. As these scenes show, nothing much has changed. Folk

EXCLUSIVE! Northern Ireland celebrity salaries revealed….

With the BBC revealing the wages of their top stars, including professional angry man Stephen Nolan, The Ulster Fry has been looking at what our other celebrities demand for their time. We were shocked…. Stephen Nolan: £1 million per week, other demands include a permanent supply of fresh kittens, a staggering 51 weeks holiday per

11 things every Northern Irish person does on a “farin halliday”

Farin hallidays. Everyone loves them, but we all end up doing the same old shite. Recognise any of this? Airport beers: The best beers ever. It doesn’t matter what time it is, you’re on your hallidays so start as you mean to go on. Forget stuff/get overcharged for replacement “43 Euro for sun-cream?” “Si Senor,

Local football fans torn between love for both Linfield and Celtic

Thousands of football fans across Northern Ireland find themselves in a severe quandary today as their two favourite sides prepare to meet in a Champions League qualifying match. “There’s a real cross-over in the fan-base of both clubs,” we were told by Scottish football pundit Jocky Fullerton. “It’s true you get the odd Linfield fan who

American golfer Graeme McDowell’s ancestry traced back to Co Antrim

Patriotic local golf fans got an unexpected new hero at this week’s Irish Open, after historians discovered that US golfer Graeme McDowell’s ancestors are actually from the County Antrim town of Portrush. “Well gee-whiz that’s fantastic!” McDowell told local press. “My grandpappy used to tell us stories bout the ol’ country when we wer little ‘uns, but darn tootin’ I was

Tensions rise in East Belfast after man erects two flags.

There is growing concern among community representatives in East Belfast after a local man added a second flag to his home, and immediately declared himself “100% more loyal” than his single flagged neighbour. The incident, which occurred in Aughrim Street, launched a run of tit-for-tat flag related activities, which the PSNI fear may spiral out of control. Aughrim St

10% of Civil Servants will have to phone in sick using Irish, claim Language Act opponents

Sinn Fein have rubbished claims that 10% of new entrants to the Civil Service will have to phone in sick in Irish if their proposed Language Act becomes law. “This is ridiculous,” said Sinn Fein President Gerry Adams. “Even fluent speakers like me can’t say diarrhoea in Irish, and I am famous for my ability to talk shite. Obviously

Twelfth crisis: “No pallets left to actually deliver pallets”, warns City Council

There was widespread panic across Belfast this morning after the City Council admitted they’d ran out of actual pallets to stack bonfire pallets onto, in order to transport them across the city. “Literally all the pallets in Northern Ireland are now earmarked for burning” admitted council spokesperson, Enda Brownbin. “We had a rake set aside in the back parking lot for shifting the rest,

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