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The Ulster Fry guide to driving like a hallion

The Ulster Fry guide to driving like a hallion

Driving in Northern Ireland is a whole handlin’. Apart from learning all that stuff in the Highway Code, there’s a heap of unwritten rules to follow. We’ve compiled a handy list so you know the craic! 1:  Only overtake other cars on blind bends NI folk are too busy to wait for those ‘over-taking lanes’ and ‘clear stretches of road’ you hear

‘Kodi’ most popular new baby name, reveals poll

Thousands of parents across the UK and Ireland are naming their newborns after a controversial online movie streaming app, it has emerged. “‘Kodi’ is just such a gorgeous name!” revealed new mother Anne Droid from Belfast. “And cos it suits both sexes we didn’t care less whether we had a boy or a girl!” “Although thank God wasn’t a boy!” she

“The DUP ate my hamster”, claims family man

The DUP’s image in the UK was further tarnished today, after party leader Arlene Foster was accused of eating a family’s pet hamster amid ongoing talks with the Conservative Party. “She landed to our house the other day slabbering that she was ‘top dog now’ and demanding that us ‘peasants’ make her tea and biscuits!” alleged 38 year old Peterborough

McGregor to face May after promotional mix-up

Mixed Martial Underpants fighter Conor McGregor is to accidentally fight UK Prime Minister Theresa May as a result of a printing error in the contract. The Ulster Fry understands that the agreement that Mr McGregor would “fight Mayweather, subject to a permit” was mis-typed as stating that he’d “fight May, weather permitting”. As a result

10 things you never knew about Northern Ireland: a guide for English folk

With all the political shenanigans at Westminster, loads of English people are suddenly interested in the goings-on in Northern Ireland. We’ve put together this handy primer to help them understand this complex place…. 1. Northern Ireland has a population of 18 million, divided into Protestants, Catholics and Others. Protestants want Northern Ireland to be part of Scotland

“Gosh, the DUP seem horrible!”, gasp people who voted for poverty, corruption & NHS cuts

Tory supporters across the UK are ‘extremely concerned’ it has emerged, after Googling the Democratic Unionist Party and discovering they are even more hateful than the people they voted for. “I’m absolutely disgusted.”revealed 31 year old Tory fan, Branston Pickle. “I mean, blocking a woman’s right to have an abortion is terrible. It’s only fair you allow children to be actually born before

Fermanagh South Tyrone sets new election record with 187% turnout

Political pundits have been left speechless after the turnout in the Fermanagh South Tyrone constituency reached a staggering 186.8%, a full three hours before polling actually closes. “We’ve never seen anything like it,” said one expert. “Who says people aren’t interested in politics? These numbers don’t lie.” Our Fermanagh correspondent Liz Bellaw interviewed several voters

‘Sectarian head-counting’ to be added to NI schools curriculum

As Northern Ireland Primary Schools prepare to close for yet another election, The Education Authority has confirmed that it intends to rejig the curriculum to reflect the complex nature of democracy here. “This is the 457th election we’ve had in the last 10 years,” explains education expert, Grover Head-Projector. “We can’t keep losing school days

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