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Culture Night “mainly people reading Japanese poetry while dressed as badgers” admit organisers

Culture Night “mainly people reading Japanese poetry while dressed as badgers” admit organisers

Culture Night has returned to Belfast this evening, bringing thousands of people in flowery skirts, baggy jumpers and skinny jeans onto the streets. Our reporter has been out and about to see what’s been happening at the event many arts experts describe as “the middle class version of the Twelfth.” “It’s a wonderful experience,” said Ballyhackamore

Cancelled Ryanair flights to be flown by layabout MLAs

With hundreds of Ryanair flights facing cancellation over unused vacation time, Secretary of State James Brokenshire has dramatically ordered work-shy MLAs to start earning their wages and take to the skies. “It’s an ideal solution” he told a press conference earlier. “Much like pilots, MLAs get paid for sitting on their holes all day. As they’ve been such doing an excellent

Commuter rescued after three days stranded in Belfast traffic

A Comber man has been airlifted to safety after spending several days stuck in the perpetual traffic jam that is usually called the Newtownards Road. It is understood that 42-year-old Billy Hackamore left his home around 4am on Thursday morning “hoping to beat the traffic” but became stranded in the roadworks at the Knock traffic lights. “I

High Street tensions rise as Poundland ‘conducts viable nuclear test’

There is growing concern in security circles that traditional ‘High Street’ price wars may be about to escalate after Poundland began selling nuclear weapons in its Banbridge branch. The move comes amid heightened tensions in the budget shopping sector, with the ‘Big Two’ – Poundland and Poundworld – increasingly concerned about the rise of competitors like B&M,

“Paramilitary retirement home” proposed for former Maze Prison site

The news that the Red Hand Commando group has asked to be legalised so that it can become an ‘Old Comrades Association’ has led to calls for a retirement home specifically for paramilitaries. “Lots of these guys are getting on in years,” says the brains behind the scheme, Sam Tex, “Our facility will cater for all

DUP launch ‘Club 16-90’ budget holidays

In a shock development unrelated to anything in the news, it has emerged that the DUP has plans to launch its own travel agency. “Club 16-90 will offer attractive holidays whatever your budget, so long as that budget is absolutely humongous and probably paid by someone else,” said the DUP’s Travel and Tourism spokesman Thomas Crook.

Eight great places to stop for a pish in Northern Ireland

Norn Iron has some of the world’s best improvised pish stops, many of which (surprisingly) aren’t listed on the Discover Northern Ireland website. We’ve compiled a list of the top places to stop for a slash whilst exploring our beautiful country. 1. Anywhere on the way to/from Kelly’s, Portrush No trip to Kelly’s is complete without squatting behind

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