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Game of Thrones tours now Northern Ireland’s biggest employer of beards

Game of Thrones tours now Northern Ireland’s biggest employer of beards

A staggering 112% of beards here are now working in a Game of Thrones related industry, new figures from the Department of Unusual Statistics have revealed. “Prior to Game of Thrones there was huge unemployment in the facial hair community,” says the Department’s spokesbeard Randal Bar-Moustache. “There were limited opportunities on the faces of craft

World to get “glimpse of life in Tyrone” during solar eclipse, reveals NASA

As the western world prepares for its first total solar eclipse in almost a century, scientists have revealed that the spectacle will offer a ‘once in a lifetime opportunity’ for people across the globe to experience what life is like in County Tyrone. “For the first time in the modern era people in the US

A Levels “not as hard as they used to be”, claims everyone over the age of 20

With record grades again this year, Northern Ireland’s successful A Level students have spent the day being told how easy their exams were compared to years ago. “I got two As and a C,” said Lisburn teenager Marcus Easy, “When I phoned to tell my da he just shouted ‘Piece of piss’ and hung up.” “Then when I

NI Water begins piped mineral water service for Hillsborough

The residents of Northern Ireland’s poshest town are celebrating in a refined and understated manner today after learning that their town has finally been connected to piped sparkling Evian water. Hillsboroughtonians have been lobbying the authorities for decades, disgruntled that they are forced to flush their toilets with the same water as people who live in

New airline “exclusively for drunk people” to operate out of Belfast

Amid news that an increase in arrests for drunken behaviour by passengers may lead to curbs on the sale of alcohol on flights, a Belfast based airline has launched a service aimed exclusively at plastered travellers. Queasy Jet will operate flights to several popular holiday destinations, including the Canary and Balearic Islands, Greece and Corfu. “Getting snattered at

Apprentice Boys finally set to become Fully Qualified Tradesmen

The Apprentice Boys are set for a dramatic re-brand, the Ulster Fry had learned, after it emerged that all of their members are now fully qualified tradesmen. “We finally graduated this summer!” revealed now former Apprentice Boy Lorcan Gates after today’s march around the walled city. “We managed to arse about playing pool and smoking

Belfast launches European Capital of Culture bid with display of traditional rioting

The unofficial launch of the Northern Ireland bid to be the 2023 European Capital of Culture title was marked with a demonstration of formation rioting in Belfast last night. Tourists from around the globe looked on in wonder as masked youths put on the unimpressive display, described by one critic as “taking the art of pointlessness to new

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