The latest round of Covid-19 restrictions has forced top toy manufacturer Santa Claus to suspend his long-standing home delivery service.
Mr Claus’s North Pole based firm cornered the home delivery toy market in the 4th Century, using a pioneering “chimney entry” system which has endured for hundreds of years. Covid restrictions, however, mean this is no longer tenable.
“Basically, the PPE requirements mean that Santa would have to spend up to five minutes longer on each delivery, there’d be no way he could get round the entire planet in one evening,” says Jolly McTwinkletoes, a spokeself for the Santa Claus Corporation.
“He’d also have to carry enough hand sanitizer and the like to allow him to be fully prepared for millions of homes world wide, which would frankly take up so much room on the sleigh he’d have no space left for the toys.”
As a result, Santa’s elves have established a series of collection points in homes across the country.
“We’ve hidden all the items in attics, under beds and stairs and the like, so that parents and guardians can collect them safely on Christmas Eve,” says McTwinkletoes. “Just make sure to bring ID and show it to yourself when you’re collecting stuff.”
The Corporation has assured its customers that this is a one off, and says that it hopes to expand its services in 2021.
“We plan to launch ‘Santa Claus Prime’ in the New Year,” explains McTwinkletoes. “It’ll offer guaranteed next Christmas day home delivery, combined with a half-arsed TV streaming service that shows a whole rake of American TV shows you’d never want to watch,”.