Author Archives: The Ulster Fry


Armagh church outshines Galway drive-thru with ‘Car wAsh Wednesday’

Armagh church outshines Galway drive-thru with ‘Car wAsh Wednesday’

Following the announcement of a drive-thru Ash Wednesday at a church in Galway, an Armagh chapel are going one better with a scheme that will additionally wash and shine your car for charity. ‘Car wAsh Wednesday’ is the brainchild of Father Paul Pitt from St Patricks in Armagh, who says he was planning his event before the drive-thru


Ironic outrage as NI newspaper exposes plot to sway public opinion via media

As Northern Ireland awoke to the news that some over-eager political party activists may have used the media to sway public opinion on key political issues by calling into a radio station, the Norn Iron Telegraph issued a stinging “hands off” rebuke to any would be newcomers entering the arena. “Back off!” shouted angry newspaper editor, Gayle Marcher, on the steps


The Ulster Fry guide to blocking melters on Facebook

Whilst Facebook is great for finding out what people are up to without actually talking to them, it’s a minefield of ejjits saying stuff you probably couldn’t give two shites about! Here’s a wee Ulster Fry’s guide on how to handle some stereotypical Facebook melters. (We’re sure you can suggest a few more below!) Mantra-preneurs Having once


RHI material “100% renewable”, say local comedy writers

Whilst the rest of the country are furiously paying out their hole to heat horse solariums, Ferrari garages and chicken coups, Northern Irish comedy writers have revealed that they’ve been able to run entire satirical websites using a single reusable news story as a fuel source for nearly two months! The news comes amid today’s allegations that RHI was


DUP unveil Trump-like travel ban for Northern Ireland

With scandal engulfing the United States following Donald Trump’s travel ban, the DUP today unveiled an updated election manifesto which proposes a similar scheme in Northern Ireland. “The first country we’ll ban will be the Republic of Ireland of course!” revealed Arlene Foster earlier. “We’re not sure how hard the border can become after Brexit,


NI politicians can’t agree where to keep red sauce, reveals report

With the country already in turmoil following the collapse of the NI Executive, Ulster’s political crisis deepened even further today following revelations of widespread disagreement at Stormont about to where to keep the tomato ketchup. “Constantly blaming each other for wasting public money or once being affiliated with terrorism might dominate their press coverage” explained top civil servant,