Author Archives: The Ulster Fry

Nine amazing facts about Derry

Nine amazing facts about Derry

It has the more names than anywhere else in the universe Derry, Londonderry, Legenderry, Doire, The Maiden City, Stroke City, The Walled City and more. Even people who live there don’t know what call it without starting an argument.  A whopping 92% of divorces in the city start over disagreements about where they live. Every sentence ends with

Eight great places to stop for a pish in Northern Ireland

Norn Iron has some of the world’s best improvised pish stops, many of which (surprisingly) aren’t listed on the Discover Northern Ireland website. We’ve compiled a list of the top places to stop for a slash whilst exploring our beautiful country. 1. Anywhere on the way to/from Kelly’s, Portrush No trip to Kelly’s is complete without squatting behind

Footballers to replace MLAs in transfer deadline day twist

The stalemate in Northern Irish politics could sensationally be broken by midnight tonight, after an audacious plan emerged to recruit new MLAs on footballs transfer market. “Arlene and Michelle have been disastrous for us upfront.” revealed Stormont spokesman, George Worst. “Despite constantly being on the attack they still haven’t produced enough balls to strike up

McGregor & Mayweather to finally open bank accounts, say reports

After years of turning up at star-studded events carrying massive wads of cash, Conor McGregor and Floyd Mayweather are finally set to open current accounts following their half-billion dollar bout, the Ulster Fry has learned. “I’m sick of keeping all my dough under my mattress!” revealed Mayweather at today’s press conference. “All my celebrity pals just

World to get “glimpse of life in Tyrone” during solar eclipse, reveals NASA

As the western world prepares for its first total solar eclipse in almost a century, scientists have revealed that the spectacle will offer a ‘once in a lifetime opportunity’ for people across the globe to experience what life is like in County Tyrone. “For the first time in the modern era people in the US

Apprentice Boys finally set to become Fully Qualified Tradesmen

The Apprentice Boys are set for a dramatic re-brand, the Ulster Fry had learned, after it emerged that all of their members are now fully qualified tradesmen. “We finally graduated this summer!” revealed now former Apprentice Boy Lorcan Gates after today’s march around the walled city. “We managed to arse about playing pool and smoking

“Our packets haven’t shrunk, they’re just further away”, claim Tayto

Amidst the news that over 2,500 UK products have gotten smaller in a phenomenon called ‘shrinkflation’, local crisp magnate Tayto has reassured customers that their packets haven’t shrunk – they’re just further away. “Your arms are at least 6 inches longer now than when you were at school!” explained Tayto spokesman, John Cocktail. “So whilst our crisp packets might seem smaller

11 things every Northern Irish person does on a “farin halliday”

Farin hallidays. Everyone loves them, but we all end up doing the same old shite. Recognise any of this? Airport beers: The best beers ever. It doesn’t matter what time it is, you’re on your hallidays so start as you mean to go on. Forget stuff/get overcharged for replacement “43 Euro for sun-cream?” “Si Senor,

American golfer Graeme McDowell’s ancestry traced back to Co Antrim

Patriotic local golf fans got an unexpected new hero at this week’s Irish Open, after historians discovered that US golfer Graeme McDowell’s ancestors are actually from the County Antrim town of Portrush. “Well gee-whiz that’s fantastic!” McDowell told local press. “My grandpappy used to tell us stories bout the ol’ country when we wer little ‘uns, but darn tootin’ I was