Office staff across Northern Ireland are today growing increasingly concerned that alarming levels of ‘boring work stuff’ is having a negative impact upon their Facebook productivity.
Data input clerk, Owen Idle, complained, “The audacity of them to expect me to earn the money that they put in my bank each month. It’s an absolute disgrace. Since the clamp down I’ve had to cut my browsing down to six hours a day in here, pure joke like”.
Toby McSloth, an office clerk from Bangor told us “I suppose I could come in here and work through that backlog of claim forms but the truth is I couldn’t be arsed. It’s much less demanding to simply scroll up and down a collection of regurgitated inspirational quotes and some photographs of gourmet burgers”.
One employee, Tracy Malinger, has discovered an opportunistic way of combating the new restrictions however. “Once they blocked Facebook I was facing the prospect of actually having to do a full days work. So I googled the symptoms of IBS and got a doctor’s letter. Now I can take fifteen toilet breaks a day and check Facebook on my phone.”
“I’m literally being paid to shite!!” she squealed.
However whilst Tracy’s illness is fake, one employee we spoke to was admitted to hospital with a real medical emergency. “Most of my friends’ workplaces have blocked Facebook now, so it’s got really quiet during the day when I am busting to procrastinate. The doctors says I’m seriously starved of attention and have advised me to stay home and add more fibre-optic into my diet!”
Belfast GP, Qwerty O’Hanlon, said “This ‘Social Nat Workin’ craic is costing employers millions and is ruining lives. For more information visit my Facebook page on practical advice on how I can help. Also you should see my new dog, he’s wile cute.”