Following the news that Coca Cola have bought coffee chain Costa for £3.9bn, the Ulster Fry can exclusively reveal that Northern Irish soft drinks giant, Maine, have purchased rival coffee brand, Starbucks.
“This will be an absolute game changer for Ulster’s multi-million pound cafe industry” revealed NI’s leading coffee expert, Maxwell House. “Soon Starbucks customers will be ordering delicious new coffee-infused drinks such the Pineappleade Frappuchino, Scottish Cola-lattes and the Guatemalan Iron Brew”
“Not everyone wants to indulge in such calorie-laden coffees though” he admitted. “In which case more traditional coffees will be available – such as their Americano Cream Soda!”
The news was met with immediate delight on the streets of Northern Ireland.
“I’m f**king buzzing!!” revealed East Belfast karate instructor, Ralph Macchiato. “I’m gonna have a whole crate of Cloudy Limocchinos delivered on Saturday morning to celebrate!”
However, disappointingly, the news was later dismissed as ‘a loada shite’ by the local Maine man, after we caught up with him double-parked in a loading bay behind Castlecourt.
“I just bought myself a Starbucks” he explained, pointing to a single white paper cup on the dashboard with his name spelt wrong. “So not sure where this whole fecking ‘corporate takeover’ stuff has come from!”
“I’ve been out driving all morning and needed a pick-me-up.” he continued. “So i nipped in for a wee Flat White Lemonade”