According to popular wisdom Halloween, like Christmas, “is all about the kiddies.” This appears to give the “kiddies” the right to run about the place being really annoying, letting off fireworks and throwing eggs at innocent windows.
Here at The Ulster Fry offices, we’ve nothing against “the kiddies”, but we also think it’s time that adults reclaimed this ancient festival of Halloween and brought it back to its traditional roots – a time when adults scared the shite of children, not the other way round.
The police say you can’t just give them a boot up the hole, so instead here’s our top 10 ways to exact your revenge…
1. Give them fruit when they come to the door.
2. Force them to make turnip lanterns rather than pumpkins.
3. Promise to take them to the fireworks, but don’t.
4. Actually, do take them to the fireworks.
5. Dress as a Killer Clown.
6. Make Toffee Onions
7. Give them Red Bull.
8. Lick the flavour off crisps and then put them in a bowl.
9. Put bangers through the letterboxes of their play houses.
10. Tell them in your day it was better.