Cheap fag runs “top priority” in Brexit negotiations, confirms May


Prime Minister Theresa May today reassured UK travellers that their ability to sneakily bring home umpteen cartons of cheap fags that taste like your arsehole will be her top priority during Brexit negotiations.

“We may have voted to leave the EU but we’re not giving up our way of life!” she told press at Downing Street this morning. “A carton of Spanish Lambert’s has about 50 quid of profit in it!  And if you have the brass neck to bring back a dozen or so, you can basically pay your whole holiday!”

“Especially if you go somewhere ballix like Benidorm or Tenerife” she added.

Professional fag runners have been watching the news nervously as a potential war with Spain threatens over Gibraltar.

“I’m shiteing me tights” admitted 42 year full-time unemployed holidaymaker, Benson Hedges from East Belfast. “I go to Spain about 6 times a year with the missus. Bringing home fegs is one our family’s oldest customs”

“Not to be confused with UK Customs” he stressed. “Ye tell them hurs nahhin!”

The impact of Brexit on duty-free booze is also a huge concern. “I voted to leave the EU!” revealed 34 year old Lisburn man, Sam Booka. “But I’ll be raging with meself if I can’t get them big fack aff plastic bottles of Jack Daniels at the airport any more! I always use the empty to save up me pound coins for going back to Portugal the following year!”

“It’s class over there ye know.” he added “Far nicer than this dump!  I’d love to move over some day!”