With the BBC revealing the wages of their top stars, including professional angry man Stephen Nolan, The Ulster Fry has been looking at what our other celebrities demand for their time.
We were shocked….
- Stephen Nolan: £1 million per week, other demands include a permanent supply of fresh kittens, a staggering 51 weeks holiday per year and his own sauna at the BBC.
- Frank Mitchell: £5000 per weather bulletin, with bonuses including £50 for every birthday announcement and £350 bribes for promoting towns on his weather watching slot. However UTV recoup a lot of this as amazingly Frank actually pays them £4000 to be allowed on the radio.
- Hugo Duncan: Three lengths of blue baler twine for each show. 6 cream buns and the right to say skiddly-eye-dee-die through all the songs.
- Barra Best: £12.50 per weather bulletin, £300 for all those shows where he walks along old railway lines talking to farmers. Seventeen days holiday every fortnight. Free haircuts.
- Pamela Ballantine: £149 and six bottles of gin per show. She also has a massive wardrobe allowance, as she allowed to live in a massive wardrobe behind the UTV headquarters.
- Cecilia Daly and Angie Phillips: incredibly these two weather vixens share a £1200 per week salary, as they are actually the same person.
- Mark Carruthers: Mark is entirely paid in socks. He now has the biggest collection of socks in the world and one day hopes to cause a global sock crisis by hoarding them in his posh Ballywalter caravan.
- Mel Gibson: Hollywood star Mel Gibson is secretly employed by UTV to be Julian Simmons. He is paid £1 million for every Coronation Street Link.
- The Hole in the Wall Gang: the comedy team got their name from the fact that they were given the pin number of the BBC cash card in 1987. No one knows how much they’ve actually withdrawn but it is estimated that Ma from Give My Head Peace spends over £300 a week on lipstick.
- Radio Ulster Listeners: Most shockingly, over 300,000 people in Northern Ireland are being PAID £10 a day to listen to Radio Ulster. It’s the only way to get them to put up with all the shite.