NI kids to “learn about life as an MLA” amid school shutdown


Following last night’s 11th hour announcement that NI’s school kids should stay at home this morning, Stormont has reassured parents that their youngsters are today getting a unique insight into the life of an MLA.

“We’re using this shutdown as an opportunity to find out which NI kids are cut out for a career in Northern Ireland politics” explained Stormont spokesman, Harry Caine.  “Some promising candidates have already emerged actually… although we can’t notify them as they haven’t got out of bed yet!”

Parents were initially sceptical of the plan, but as the day has gone on promising indications of political aspirations have been spotted across the country.

“My Dylan has thrown his toys out of the pram three times already today over something daft and ridiculously irrelevant” revealed excited Newtonards woman, Gail Forsythe. “He maintains he wants to be an astronaut when he grows up, but as soon as this Ophelia shite blows over I’m taking him to a careers advisor to discuss his options!”

This was a view shared by other parents.  “My two are upstairs arguing like *** over who gets to charge their tablet before the electric goes out.” said Craigavon dad, Gusty Fence. “I’ve not seen power sharing go like this since the last DUP/Sinn Fein government.”

British Government spokesman Grover Turned-Bin confirmed that the kids were gaining all the experience they needed to be MLAs. “Sitting around on your arse complaining is a big part of the job, as is staying at home when you should be in work,” he told us.

“Any wonder they call it Storm-ont…  all they do is produce hot air.”