In a landmark change to the law in 2015, the criminal responsibility for ‘paid sex’ switched to the person paying. This came as a blow to tens of thousands of men across Ulster, who were left afraid that simply ‘getting a bit’ could lead to their arrest.
However there is now fresh hope for horny NI men after a high court case was launched challenging the new rules, which may see the law amended to allow them to return to paying for sex as normal
“Like most Ulster men I’ve been paying for sex for years!” 47 year old Albie Buckner told us today outside Belfast High Court today. “It started out innocently enough. I met her in town one night for dinner and she ordered a pile of expensive cocktails and a fillet steak, then left me to pay for it all – plus the taxi home.”
“We did that for about SIX weekends in a row before I actually got my leg over. Cost me about £750 all in!” he revealed “Which is actually fairly cheap. It’s got waaaay more expensive since we got married. The last ride I got cost me a two week holiday in Tenerife!”
Younger Northern Ireland men too have felt the brunt of the law change. “I’ve only been seeing my girlfriend for a few months” said 24 year old Chester Buzzcut. “And I’ve already spent a few grand getting her to sleep with me. Mostly on blue WKDs, strawberry daquiris, boojum burritos and umpteen trips to the cinema. Luckily I not been caught yet though!!”
“But now she’s dropping hints about sexy shoes, kinky lingerie and a dirty weekend away in some snazzy hotel in Newcastle” he added nervously. “I really don’t wanna go down for going down in Co Down.”
The final evidence in the case was presented by the girlfriends of the Ulster Fry writers, who after reading this article declared, “You’ll pay for that later!”
The defence rests.