Time to buy new winter warmers to leave at your arse somewhere, say retailers

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With temperatures hitting ‘baltic’ in recent days, local shoppers have begun their annual winter ritual of purchasing brand new hats, scarves and gloves to leave at their arse somewhere within the next fortnight, the Ulster Fry has learned.

“It would clean founder you so I hit Debenhams and treated myself to a lovely new woolly scarf and some stylish leather gloves.” revealed Bangor woman, Aurora Borallis. “Whoever finds them in whatever Ballyhackamore pub I’ll be wrote-aff in next week will be absolutely delighted them!”

The unique gifting tradition has become increasingly fashionable recent years, as absent minded trendsetters pick out and pay for stylish winter warmers for opportunistic hallions across the country.

“Feck, that’ll do me rightly!” exclaimed local man, Willy Hat, as he examined a £24 scarf from Next that he’d just found on a bar stool in Belfast. “That’ll go lovely with thon pair of gloves I found on the train last week.” added the 43 year old Translink employee.

“Leaving stuff at your hole haz become ze height of fashion.” revealed local style guru, Harp Lagerfield, who recently designed a new Christmas jumper for NI punters. “I take my hat off to whoever started zis exciting trend.”

His hat is now being worn by someone in Banbridge.

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