After 36 months of laying around on their arse doing nothing whilst MLA’s got paid, Northern Irish satire writers have agreed to go return to work following the recall of the Stormont Executive.
“Seamus and I have met up and agreed to work together again on local political matters” confirmed Billy McWilliams from The Ulster Fry.
“It’s been a long, hard three years, fraught with tales about Brexit, RHI and Donald Trump trying to build a wall around Lisburn, but after careful consideration of the new draft deal, we feel ready to put Northern Ireland back on the agenda again!”
“I’ve already started an article about how Naomi Long is actually really short”
His estranged colleague Seamus O’Shea explained that tough compromises had to be made.
“After three years of The Ulster Fry being operated directly from Westminster, we’ve finally come back around the table here in Belfast.” he confirmed.
“Well it’s more of a worktop, and it’s nearer Glengormley, but our politicians are back to pretending to work – and we’re back to pretending to be journalists, whilst slagging them off for being shit at their jobs… so it’s a win-win for the country!”
“Billy’s framed picture of Jackie Fullerton will be only displayed in the office on designated days – whilst I’ll’ get to keep calling it Derry provided I make the tea.”
It’s understood UTV weatherman Frank Mitchell was instrumental in brokering the deal after both men remembered they wouldn’t trust him as far as they could throw him.
“It’s Londonderry!” concluded Billy.