With social media increasingly becoming a place to rant about religion, racism, politics and twitchy eyed conspiracy theories, Facebook are set to introduce some revolutionary new features which they hope will make reading your newsfeed less of a pain in the hole.
“Remember years ago when Facebook actually used to be good craic?” lamented Mark Zuckerberg at the announcement this morning. “Ye could gawk at peoples photos, poke hot birds and creep on your friends’ good looking mates in peace. All without getting into arguments about immigration, homophobia, terrorism or the labour party. It was class!”
“Well with our updated newsfeed filters – the craic is back!” he beamed.
The new update will be rolled out tomorrow morning and includes several new filters to hide stuff you can’t be arsed with anymore. Facebook’s head of Craic Development, Sharon Like explained.
“Aye you can now turn off political soapboxing, religious rambles, righteous opinions and all that ranty shite people love posting now… so you can enjoy a ‘classic’ Facebook experience. It’s kinda like it was before we all started frying each others heads!”
“Or Bebo” she added.
A new ‘Melter Control Centre’ will allow users to tailor their Facebook experience by customising the sort of content they want to see in their newsfeed. “Aye you can switch off everything from people who post cat pictures, whingers, attention seekers and thon annoying inspirational quotes!” continued Like.
“But there’s a bug in the ‘Disable All’ option!” she revealed. “For some reason when you turn it on you don’t get anything on your Newsfeed at all… from anyone!”
