After a weekend of travel chaos that seen scores of people miss their flights, Belfast International Airport have unveiled a new range of ‘package queuing holidays’.
“The pain in the hole of getting through our airport has gone from strength-to-strength down the years.” explained security manager, Annie Liquids. “Proper international airports such as Heathrow, JFK and Charles de Gaulle may be bigger and yet mysteriously quicker to clear security in – but what we lack in size and efficiency, we make up for in over zealous attention to detail and jobsworthyness!” she added.
“In fact our security staff are the most pedantic people in the world!”
The trips can now booked via partner airline, JetQ – who promise holidaymakers a ‘five star queuing experience’.
“I just booked me, the wife and wains on a cracker seven nights standing holiday in Aldergrove for £500 notes” beamed Belfast man, Lambert Carton. “Some of the queues on the website look class! The wains love the big twisty one at the check-in desk, but the me and the wife are all into pointlessly queuing up for pre-allocated seats at the gate, so there’s something for everyone.”
“I prefer the slow crawl through security.” explained Lisburn man Benson Hedges. “It’s a lovely, relaxing way to start a vacation. Plus you get to take your sweaty shoes and tight belt off at the end and be momentarily suspected of terrorism by someone from Aughnacloy who is qualified to wear blue rubber gloves! It’s a treal treat!”
Due to a website malfunction the deals can only be purchased from the airport’s busy information desk, however their savvy PR team were quick to respond.
“We’re offering all holiday makers a FREE queue for booking in person!” said a spokesman.