Coalisland at centre of offshore tax haven scandal


Top celebrities have been exploiting legal loopholes to hide millions of pounds in secret offshore bank accounts based in the Co. Tyrone town of Coalisland, a huge leak of financial documents has revealed.

Dubbed the ‘Peat Bog Papers’, the documents name many of the world’s richest people, including the Queen, Bono, Gary Barlow, Ma from Give My Head Peace and that guy who does the voiceover on the adverts for Brennan’s Bread. All are alleged to have taken advantage of Coalisland’s lax financial rules to squirrel away millions of pounds.

The Ulster Fry has gained access to the documents, along with some other global media outlets. Our investigation team has been investigating, and has managed to find some astonishing facts.

  • The Queen has over £500 in Coalisland Credit Union. It is understood that she hopes to double this by next April, then get a loan for a car.
  • Roman Abramovich has hidden £4.3 million in Baler Twine Holdings, a shadowy investment fund which owns 21% of Dungannon Swifts FC. Officials at the English FA are concerned that this may be a conflict of interest with his ownership of Chelsea, as the two sides could meet in the Champions League.
  • Bono and Ma from Give My Head Peace have both sold items on Coalisland Buy and Sell, with the U2 front-man scooping over £12 for a load of old wine bottles that he’d covered in glitter. None of this was declared to the taxman.

Local businessman Pete Land-Park was astounded when we told him that celebrities were using Coalisland to pay less tax.

“Fecking amateurs,” he commented, “I haven’t paid tax at all since 1964.”