‘McIlroy still loaded’ says finance expert


Sportsman Rory McIlroy still has more ‘money than God’ according to a leading finance expert. The Holywood golfer went to court in Dublin yesterday, where he settled with his former agents for an undisclosed amount, rumoured to be at least 10 times more money than you’ll ever earn in your entire miserable life.

Privately, there had been fears that the Co Down man may be left in financial difficulty with the case, after rumours emerged that he’d been seen in Cash Converters trading in a signed set of golf clubs in exchange for £40 cash and a toaster.

However with the court case looming, the world number one showed once again why he’s the man to beat, when he didn’t let the prospect of losing loads of money get in the way of winning loads of money, by easily winning the Dubai Desert Classic, to win loads of money.  Leading sports psychologists no-one had ever heard of immediately went on TV to discuss the victory, giving viewers Google-memorised insight into the mindset of a leading sports star – in exchange for loads of money.

The Dublin court dispute centred on agents fees, with McIlroy claiming that Horizon Sports Management were ‘bogging the arm in’.  However Horizon denied this, saying that the curly haired golf-genius was ‘totally taking the hand out of them’. Thankfully both parties finally settled their differences and agreed to ‘wise the bap’. The judge congratulated both parties afterwards saying ‘Fair f**ks to everyone involved’.

The golfer wasn’t in court for the final days ruling, choosing instead to attend a business meeting across town. However in a totally out-of-character decision, it’s understood Rory abruptly cancelled the engagement at the last minute to play golf instead.

McIlroy later revealed that he had earned $25k in sports endorsements since you started reading this.