The Police Service of Northern Ireland have issued a warning to men considering wearing shorts to the office tomorrow, that they could be in for a ‘whole handlin’ – possibly leading to a ‘wile kicking’.
The caution comes after a morning of ‘horrendous’ pale hairy leg flaunting across the Province, which has seen over 73% of men arrive to work today in what can only be described as a ‘baggy combat shorts with flip flops combination’. Or as one fashion expert called it, ‘f**king wile looking’.
It is understood that trouble flared in Belfast today after several men took their footwear off to walk around in their bare feet, forcing several traumatised colleagues to take early retirement. There are also reports that one meeting at the InvestNI offices got ‘out of hand’ when some boy arrived late on a surfboard.
“The law is quite clear on this” explained top cop Barry Billabong. “Shorts are reserved for outdoor stuff, sports and going on holidays. But these boys who think they can wear ‘beachwear’ to the office now cos it hasn’t rained for a couple of days need a good boot up the hole – and our intelligence indicates that they are gonna get one!”
Raising the threat level to ‘amber’, the PSNI have thus warned NI males to not wear shorts tomorrow “unless you’re a footballer” and only to wear sandals “if you are Jesus”.
In other unrelated sports news, Ards Football Club have announced that tomorrow’s morning training session will be played in jeans and sensible shoes.