The UK’s struggling going-to the shops-whilst-not-fully-dressed sector will recieve a much-needed economic boost tomorrow when Primark reopens to the public.
“Lockdown has been a really trying few months for everyone in our industry” said Enya Housecoat, from the UK Loungewear Retail Association.
“With everyone stuck at home wearing their pyjamas all day, every day – people have been choosing to actually get dressed when they leave the house – just for something different to do. “
“Or cos the PJ’s they’ve had on for three days stink of b.o. and farts” she explained.
The retail giant is set to re-open tomorrow, meaning people will once again be able to get dressed up and hit the shops in town – to buy new clothes to get dressed down in and hit the shops out of town.
“I thought the day would never come!” said a jubilant Camilla Frills, when we caught up with her buying milk and bread in a ballroom gown and tiara in a Glengormley Centra. “Going to the shop has been the only thing I’ve had to look forward to every day in months.”
“I can’t wait to go back to not giving a shite tomorrow!”
Aside from pyjamas, Primark will also be selling much needed PPE, the Ulster Fry has learned.
“We’ve developed a new range of masks which shrink after one sneeze!” boasted a company spokesman.