The new Brexit agreement announced yesterday will see a ring of steel border erected around Larne, The Ulster Fry has learned.
As of January 1st, the town and it’s hinterland will be re-named “The People’s Republic of Larnistasia,” and fall under the control of the United Nations until a new government can be put in place.
Anyone wishing to enter or leave the area will be required to show a passport, with special documents being produced for Larnistasian citizens, although officials have admitted that it’s highly unlikely that anyone will want to enter Larne unless they’re hoping to get out the other side.
Announcing the new agreement, rubber faced UK Cabinet Minister Michael Gove claimed that it was good deal for everyone.
“This is a good deal for everyone,” he told reporters. “We have been working hard to come up with a compromise that allows us to ignore Northern Ireland going forward, and this should allow us to do exactly that.”
When we asked if the agreement was likely to lead to higher prices or shortages of some foods in Northern Irish supermarkets Mr Gove told us that he “didn’t know and didn’t care.”
“The government has more important stuff to worry about, like arguing with the French about fishing boats,” he explained.
Preparations for a new government in Larnistasia are already under way, with East Antrim MP Sammy Wilson being lined up for the position of Ayatollah.