Boris Johnson’s lock down rule changes explained

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The Prime Minister made some kind of jumbled announcement about the relaxation of the lock down yesterday. While the new rules won’t come into force in Northern Ireland there could be a knock on effect, so we spent this morning examining his proposals and can hopefully answer some of the big questions.

Can we go back to work yet?

Anyone who can work from home should work from home but if you can’t you should go to work. However you won’t be allowed to travel to work so you must work from home.

Can I visit my elderly parents?

You can meet them in a park but you cannot travel to the park, you must live in the park. When you do meet them you must stay at least 2 miles away from them.

Should I wear a facemask?

That depends on how ugly you are.

When will schools go back?

Schools might go back on 1st June but they might not. When they do go back only one child will be allowed in at a time and they must sit in a different room from the teacher, who must work from home.

Can I exercise more?

You can now exercise twice a day for five minutes at a time. This should be done within 3 feet of your house and you can’t involve your elderly parents.

What’s this “Covid Alert System”?

This is a five stage sliding scale of how dangerous the Covid-19 situation is. Stage 1 happened before the outbreak, we are probably now at Stage 3, and Stage 5 was yesterday. Tomorrow will be Stage 6.

When will the shops reopen?

To support small businesses, large out of town shopping centres that attract big crowds will open first. You can only visit them if you live in them.

When can I go to the pub?

Pubs which have no seats will be able to serve alcohol to people who must drink it at home. This will happen at some time in the future.

What about sport?

It can restart soon behind closed doors at neutral venues with no players.

Does any of this make any sense?

No, but stay alert anyway.

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