Orcas flee Strangford Lough after visiting Newtownards


The pod of Orcas who wandered into Strangford Lough have sworn never to return after experiencing Newtownards.

In an exclusive interview with The Ulster Fry, the family revealed how they fled the area.

“We got as far as Killyleagh and herself said to me, ‘mon we’ll head up to the Ards Shopping Centre, see if we can get the wean a new bucket and spade in B&M’,” said Geoff, the leader of the pod.

“I taul her I couldn’t be arsed with the auld Corona Virus queues but she went on and on about it, clicking and clacking at me – you know what women are like – so of course we ended up going there.”

“We joined the queue like everyone else, and the next thing this whole family of what I assume to be humans lit on us, going on about how we weren’t staying inside our box or whatever the f*ck it was.”

“I’ll tell ye, it’s not easy to stay in that box when you’re an 8 metre long aquatic mammal. My dorsal fin alone is nearly 2 metres, and I should know, I’ve checked Wikipedia.”

“They’re getting a bit heavy, going on about how they’re from the Westwinds and they’ll get us shat, so I says to herself, ‘if they don’t leave it I’m going to eat the bastards.’ But she says, ‘leave it Geoff, they’re not worth it, and you know they’ll give you heartburn.’ So we get in the car and head back out to sea.”

The unfortunate pod have sworn never to return to the area, “not even if there’s a sale in TK Max,” and are hoping to find a more pleasant welcome in their next destination.

“Larne, we’re going to Larne,” says Geoff, “We hear the people there are lovely, with chips.”