There were wild Celebrations in a Belfast accountancy firm today after local clerk Robert Basset opened his lunch to reveal a sandwich filled with Quality Street chocolates.
“I was gonna dump the pile of leftover junk food so we could eat clean again” he told us. “But the wife reminded me how much it all cost – so we’re gonna eat a clean fortune now instead!”
“I had a nutritious bowl of After Eight cereal this morning, followed by a highland shortbread ham & cheese toastie.” he continued, explaining his breakfast regime.
“Then I had six teacakes and a can of Harp at 11am, this Quality Street sandwich for lunch – which I deliberately made on brown bread cos it’s healthier.” he explained. “Plus I threw bottle of Shloer in my gym bag to keep me hydrated during my workout later!”
His wife Angela, who cannot be named for legal reasons, told us she was fully onboard with the calorific New Year eating plan.
“We hate seeing food go to waste, plus we’re fucking skint,” she laughed. “so this is a great way to save money whilst getting back into some normal eating routines!” she explained, whilst layering alternating tiers of Pringles and Roses into a pyrex lasagne dish for tonight’s dinner.
The frugal New Year diet has since caught the attentions of TV chef Jamie Oliver, who invited celebrity friends to a disused power plant in Brighton today to announce a new book of similar recipes over a slice of Haribo pie.