There was confusion in the world of the internet today after Pornhub, a famous purveyor of on-line durtiness, claimed that ‘MILF’ was the term most searched for by Northern Irish females using their site.
“What the f**k’s a MILF?” was the reaction of many of the local women we approached in the street, at least it was the reaction of the ones who didn’t try to have us arrested for asking them.
“Does it mean ‘Marchers I’d Like to Futter with’?” asked Agnes Slider from Donegall Pass, after she stopped hitting us. “Naw he means ‘Men In Loose Flannels’,” responded her friend Gladys Poke, “You know, like that nice Jackie Fullerton off the TV.”
When forced to comment themselves the publicity hungry Execs at Pornhub eventually admitted that both ladies were wrong, and that women here were actually searching for Milk “because all the shaps were closed over Easter.”
However when pressed further by our reporter they did release the following list, showing exactly which search terms float the boats of women across Northern Ireland.
- Ballymena: Swingers who like chained up on a Sunday
- Belfast (East): Entering contentious areas
- Belfast (West): Love Bombing
- Derry: Hot tache and greyhound action
- Fermanagh: Frack me sideways
- Hillsborough: Pearl necklaces
- Lisburn: When does Marks and Spencer’s open?
- Lurgan: Masked men in uniform
- Portstewart: Watersports
- Stormont: VILFs (Voters I’d Like to F**k over)
- Strabane: What’s the best way to get out of Strabane? Please, someone, please.
- Tyrone: Farmer with a large holding
Norn Iron men, on the other hand, have revealed themselves to be much less demanding in their kinky fantasies.
“Aye all they searched for was diddies,” said a Pornhub spokesman.”Whatever the feck that means!”