It’s the Great British FAKE Off, admit BBC

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The world of light entertainment has been rocked to its core today by the news that sour faced Bake Off judge Mary Berry is not all she seems, the Ulster Fry can exclusively reveal.

“Yes, you’re on to us, she’s actually Bruce Forsyth in drag,” admitted the BBC’s Head of Reality Television, Ronnie Carpet, “we’re surprised no one has noticed before.”

It is understood that the geriatric former Strictly host had long yearned for a role in a cookery show, but for complex tax related reasons preferred to do so in disguise. “We tried him in the ‘Paul Hollywood’ role, but his inherent ‘Brucieness’ continued to shine through in the male persona,” says Carpet. “Dressing him up as a woman seemed the only logical thing to do.”

“It’s indicative of the man’s talents that he’s managed to fool everyone for so long. There have been occasions when the mask has almost slipped, like the time he started shouting ‘higher’ and ‘lower’ when a contestant was unsure of the oven temperature, but otherwise he’s been a true pro.”

Co-host Paul Hollywood is understandably stunned by the news. “I can’t believe it,” he told us “I’ve been kinda flirting with Brucie for years, without realising.”

A BBC press officer later admitted that Paul Hollywood is really Anthea Turner wearing a false beard, and Mel and Sue are Ant and Dec.

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