London Hipster “hated the DUP before it was cool”


A Shoreditch hipster has claimed to be the first person in the country to think that the DUP are a bunch of arseholes, it has emerged.

25-year-old Peckham Market told us that he’d googled the DUP “ages ago”.

“Yeah like, I’d been doing some research about the election on Saturday – in this really hip cafe that serves artisan food on plates made out of beard shavings – and I was like ‘whoaa, these guys are way uncool. I mean, they’re into some kind of religion that isn’t ethnic.”

“So I made a podcast about it, telling all my followers how uncool they are. And they’re all like – OMG! These guys are so intolerant. They can’t think for themselves like we can, thanks for telling us Peckham.”

“And it’s not like I don’t know about the Troubles and stuff, you know? I read an article about it all in the Guardian.”

“I’m thinking of organising a protest. You guys really should stop fighting and try real politics, like we have here.”

Mr Market, who runs a micro-brewery making craft ale infused with Haribo, is the son of Sir Camden-Market, the former Conservative MP for Little Skidmark-on-the-Hole.

Enjoying the Ulster Fry? Facebook are changing the rules soon, so you'll see less of our stories in your newsfeed! Join Our Facebook Community to get new story notifications and to see exclusive memes, jokes and nonsense (that we don't even post on our page!)