Following a revolutionary scientific breakthrough which can create human body parts using a special bio-organic 3D printer, the Irish Federations of Mammies has announced that it now intends to realise a longstanding goal of the organisation – to grow eyes on the backs of their heads.
“Sure you couldn’t watch the wee skitters for love nor money” revealed group spokeswoman Niamh Sarekct “One minute they are innocently colouring in dinosaurs or ladybirds at the table, and the next they’re filling your washing machine with house bricks and putting on a spin cycle, or dancing around your hallway bollock naked covered head-to-toe in Sudocrem!”
“This scientific breakthrough will enable mammies to keep on top of their housework whilst still keeping tabs on their little angels – thanks to a second pair of eyes on the other side of their skull. It’s what we’ve all long dreamt about!”
Interestingly the move has been welcomed by both the Church of Ireland and the Vatican, in a cross denominational seal of approval that unsurprisingly, no-one saw coming. “We greet this news with great enthusiasm” said Cardinal Pete Kaboo. “in fact we’ve also been working on a scientific breakthrough of our own to help stressed parents at home.”
“Our new ‘Patience of Saint’ formula is almost ready for human trials” he revealed.
The news has been unilaterally welcomed by parents the world over, except by one disgruntled mother, who still feels unjustly burdened by the responsibility of having several kids.
“Having eyes on the back of your head is fine n well” moaned mother of five, Assumpta Delorean. “And having the patience of a saint must be great… but I’ve only got one pair of hands ye know!”
“And I’ll wont get another set until 2027”