Viewers Prepare To Vote X-Factor Winner Into Obscurity


Following months of singing on TV and slowly becoming household names, the finalists of X-Factor will overtake our living rooms for one final weekend, to compete for the chance of never singing on TV again – and instantaneously being forgotten.

The final will see the last three scapegoats contestants, Fleur East, Ben Haenow and the other fella with the beard, go head-to-head for the chance to embark on a hedonistic nationwide tour of discount shopping centres and abandoned youth clubs – with the chance to win a zero-hour part-time contract at Asda.

Previous X-Factor finalists have gone on to enjoy great success in recent years of course. Ulster’s own runner-up Eoghan Quigg, a mere junior butcher in Centra, Dungiven before the ITV show, went on to become a butcher in Centra, Dungiven.

Few match the success of first year winner Steve Brookstein though, who now works for Staffordshire Police station as a stand-in police siren, making ‘nee-nor’ noises during periods of technical difficulties for an ageing and dilapidated fleet of squad cars.

Singing his praises recently Louis Walsh said “He looks like a cop car, he sounds like a cop car. He’s a cop car!”