First Minister Arlene Foster was forced to call an emergency news conference today after it emerged that North Antrim MP Ian Paisley Jr had been convicted of driving with no insurance.
“Driving with No insurance a key part of DUP policy,” Mrs Foster told reporters. “We have to ensure that the word no is used as often as possible. We also have no tax and no MOT.”
Mr Paisley then interrupted his leader, took the microphone and burst into operatic song…..
“No Compare! No Compare!
Use your vote, to save us dopes
At No Compare
Unless our vote gets bigger, you’ll get a Shinner, Everyone must vote for No Compare
No Compare! No Compare!
Use your senses and claim expenses
At No Compare
Even if you’re not Free P, you too can vote for DUP,
Switch your vote to No Compare.”
When then asked if the DUP policy to say ‘No’ to stuff all the time was part of her leadership strategy, Mrs Foster replied “NEVER!”
The news conference came to an abrupt end when someone called a taxi for the Ulster Fry.