Ulster fundraisers to stay pissed during #Blocktober

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As people across NI prepare to ‘Go Sober For October’, one group of fundraisers have flipped the idea and are planning to get totally wrote-aff for a month instead.

“We’re still giving all the dough we raise to Macmillian Cancer Support” explained #Blocktober organiser Jack Daniels. “But we’re all married, stressed to the balls and skint from paying for shite for umpteen wains… so we haven’t been on the rip in ages!”

“A tenner will sponsor us for a half bottle, a score will get a ten glass, and for fifty notes, we’ll neck one of them big f**k off sized bottles people bring back from Benidorm”

The charitable splinter group is quickly gathering support, especially amongst middle-aged people who don’t have a social life anymore.

“My wife hasn’t let me go to the pub since 2012”¬†explained Lurgan man, Buck Fassbender. “So I’m taking a month off work and getting tore into bottles of booze I’ve been stockpiling in my basement”

“Or the tonic wine cellar as she calls it!”

Coleraine #Blocktober supporter Jane-Anne Tawnic shared similar woes. “Me and my hubby have been squirrelling away every penny to get my boobs done! So we haven’t been out the door since Christmas!¬† But I’ve four weeks holidays – and there’s no chance I’m spending it f**king sober!”

“I’m getting absolutely blootered” she clarified.

According to Mrs Tawnic, the group’s members are ‘hanging for a drink’, after going without any nookie for a month during their recent #Sextember campaign. However her husband seemed completely oblivious.

“She told me she had a headache” he sobbed.

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