Belfast man in critical condition following Baby Shark attack

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A Belfast man is in intensive care after being subjected to repeated Baby Shark attacks whilst surfing the web with his kids.

Traumatised Glengormley father, Martin Brody, told us he can’t get the harrowing six hour ordeal out of his head, which happened in broad daylight in the family living room on the Shore Road.

“I stuck on YouTube hoping to get 5 mins peace!” explained the 37 year civil servant and father of at least 3 children he knows of. “Everything was nice and calm at the start… but then all of a sudden a huge wave of screams hit me up the bake when the kids spotted a rake of Baby Sharks.”

“I wasn’t afraid when it was just one, two or or even three Baby Sharks. But the wee rips just circled around-and-around the playlist for hours, so I ended up having hundreds of different Baby Shark eating away at my brain.”

“My wife laughed in my face when I told her I could have lost my life,” he sobbed, “but I was up in the bathroom trying to work out how many Cod Liver oil capsules I needed to overdose when she came back to save the day!”

However leading shark biologist Greta White told us this type of behaviour is normal in the species.

“Men are useless,” she explained.

Sadly Mr Brody’s wife agreed.  “He sits around the house all day and doesn’t do doot do do do, do a tap.”

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