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Jumping A Level students reach record highs

This year’s A Level students in Northern Ireland have shattered all previous records for jumping, the Ulster Fry has learned.

Students traditionally jump in a line on receipt of their grades, as every local newspaper photographer vies for the most clichéd image they can produce. However this year the results have surpassed previous years, with one student in County Antrim reaching an astonishing 2.43 metres.

“It’s an Olympic year so I was inspired by the performances of the athletes,” said 19 year old Sophie Ology from Larne Grammar. “I got 2 Bs and a C, enough to get into Jordanstown to study Cats. I was thrilled, so when yer man from the Ballymena Times asked us all to jump I just took off.”

However the rush of high jumping has not been without casualties. In Co Tyrone 4 students were injured when they landed heavily, despite each one getting 2As and a B in their exams.

North Down Observer photographer Jim Kodak told us some of the secrets of his trade. “Generally we get 3 or 4 pretty girls to jump, it kinda symbolises success and youthful vigour. These days we have to include some fat kid or a boy so people don’t slag us.”

“It’s a big time of year for us in the production of clichéd photos, for example I’ve just spent two days taking pictures of pretty girls on Crawfordsburn Beach. Luckily I didn’t get arrested this time and I managed to sell them all to the Belfast Telegraph.”

A spokesman for the Department of Education told us that they were delighted with the record results, claiming it was further proof that Northern Ireland students could reach new heights under the grammar school system.

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