NI motorists slam “direction pointing device” plan for cars


Northern Irish motorists have reacted angrily to plans drawn up by the Department of the Environment to introduce some kind of direction pointing thing on all road vehicles.

Launching the scheme in a pizza shop this afternoon, DOE Minister Mark Hotsauce Durkan said it part of a wide ranging plan to reform driving in the province. “It seems that most cars in Northern Ireland have no way of showing when they intend to pull in or overtake,” said the Minister. “We intend to launch a consultation process to see if someone can invent some kind of device that would allow us to communicate our driving intentions to other road users.”

It is understood that the Department’s favoured idea is a couple of orange lights fitted to each side of the front and rear of the vehicle. Under the radical scheme, motorists would be required to somehow flick these lights on to indicate which direction they intended to take when undergoing any manoeuvre, perhaps using switches attached to the steering column.

“This is an outrageous proposal,” said Audi Murphy, a particularly angry motorist from Magherafelt. “It is every driver’s God given right to turn randomly and overtake at will, if anything these high falutin’ indication devices will make roads much more dangerous.”

He was backed by Scania O’Toole, Chair of the Irish National Lorry Alliance. “This is ridiculous,” he claimed, “are you telling me I’ll have to flick some kind of switch every time I pull off into a layby so that I can pull off in a layby? It’s political correctness gone mad.”

However Minister Durkan is adamant that the plan will be forced through the executive. “If successful, this could be the start of a major overhaul of motoring in Northern Ireland,” he claimed, “before you know it, folk will be using headlights in poor driving conditions, taking the correct lanes at roundabouts, not driving up other folk’s holes, the lot.”

When asked if the law would extend to farmers, taxi drivers and BMW owners, the minister was less certain. “We can only go so far,” he told us, “and that might be pushing it.”