ICUs around the country are once again admitting patients with cases of suspected 5G poisoning following the easing of lockdown restrictions, the Ulster Fry has learned.
“Yes sadly we’ve admitted people into intensive care after they came into contact with this nasty oul 5G signal!” explained Dr Sam Sung, a top NHS consultant.
“Being indoors behind bricks and mortar keeps the signal from getting ye…. but sure everyone is back out n about now, and 5G can crop up anywhere and get you”
“Cos it’s invisible” she explained.
Contrary to popular belief, the 5G threat isn’t coming from large external antennas though, according to two leading technology researchers.
“Aye don’t be listening to dangerous misinformation about 5G masts” explained Hugh Waway from the Group Against Terror Emitting Signals. “The main danger from 5G is actually from other people’s phones.”
“If your handset gets too close to someone else’s, the competing signals start frying your internal organs and can leave you very sick.”
“Yup. People are REALLY dying from 5G!” stressed his colleague, Tim Foyle.
“However if you stay 2m away from people ye’ll be grand” he added.