Norn Iron has some of the world’s best improvised pish stops, many of which (surprisingly) aren’t listed on the Discover Northern Ireland website. We’ve compiled a list of the top places to stop for a slash whilst exploring our beautiful country.
1. Anywhere on the way to/from Kelly’s, Portrush
No trip to Kelly’s is complete without squatting behind a tree whilst cows watch you pee. Clubbers especially enjoy emptying their bladders on the Ballybogey Road, which provides natural cover and dense vegetation that doubles as ‘organic loo roll’.
2. Jamesies Service Station, Glenshane Road
A safe-haven for motorists busting for a whizz between Derry and Belfast, Jamesie’s revolutionary ‘split portacabin’ structure ensures men and women enjoy complete privacy – whilst flattened cardboard crisp boxes conveniently soak up pishy spray-back that might otherwise have ruined your shoes. (Also their sausages rolls are lovely.)
3. The back lane behind Lavery’s, Belfast
A classic late night destination for many well-tubed locals, the lane behind this iconic Shaftsbury Square watering hole is one of the most popular places in the country to drop trou behind a bin. A definite must pee!
4. Coach Inn Carpark, Banbridge
If you’ve not taken a whizz at this iconic Ulster hotspot then you don’t know what you’re missing. Actually to be fair no one who has actually pissed here remembers either… but still, don’t miss out!
5. Up the Derry Walls
Ancient, beautiful and steeped in centuries of heritage and history, none of this stuff matters a ballix when you are busting for a slash and doing a bar crawl in the Maiden City. Get up them stairs and find a dark corner.
6. Behind St Patrick’s Hall, Dungannon
Whilst sadly having closed its doors to the public, St Patricks Hall still serves a noble function after it’s rear wall was quietly converted into a urinal. This impromptu renovation job was carried out by Tyrone men using their own tools.
7. McDonalds, Coleraine
There aren’t many valid reasons to actually stop in Coleraine, but excruciating bladder pain is definitely one of them. This quick detour is perfect if you fancy filet O’fish when you are fill’ed with pish.
8. Apple Green
Apple Green have revolutionised piss stops in NI with their fancy indoor bogs that have actually been cleaned, smiley-faced buttons that let you rate your pish and the tantalising thrill of buying a Gregg pastie afterwards. They also sell moderately priced tea & coffee, ensuring that you’ll probably need to stop at Jamesies again (see #2) for further piss taking.