Author Archives: The Ulster Fry.


Tories to introduce hunting pensioners with dogs

Tories to introduce hunting pensioners with dogs

A mix up at Conservative Party Headquarters may have inadvertently stumbled upon a solution to the long term care of the elderly, a right wing think tank has claimed. The error happened after two pages of the manifesto got stuck together, meaning that a promise to “allow posh folk in red coats to pursue vermin across


Controversial ‘English Language Act’ proposed for Northern Ireland

The debate around Northern Ireland’s linguistic culture took an unusual twist today with the launch of a campaign for an English Language Act specifically tailored for the Province. The move comes from the Belfast Area Royal Society for English Speakers, a new organisation dedicated to promoting the language across Northern Ireland. “The English language is now


Shock as Northern Ireland parties fail to agree on stuff

There was widespread bewilderment in Northern Irish political circles yesterday as the main Unionist and Nationalist parties failed to reach agreements on pacts within their respective designations. Talks between the DUP and UUP collapsed because – according to an insider – “They hate each other.” As a result it looks likely that the UUP will


5K to Couch: The Ulster Fry guide to getting out of shape

It’s the Belfast marathon tomorrow, and lots of folk have been preparing for the fun runs and relays that go along with the big event itself. As a result everyone’s Facebook timeline is full of normally lazy hallions angling after sponsorship for waddling a few miles, but that leaves a big question – how will they get


Northern Ireland schools to be funded through supermarket loyalty cards

With the Stormont talks still in deadlock, the Conservative government has unveiled a radical new funding programme for the education sector in Northern Ireland. “It’s perfectly simple,” Secretary of State James Brokenshite told the House of Commons. “Instead of giving principals something extravagant like an adequate amount of money to run a school, we’re going to issue