Author Archives: The Ulster Fry.


Fury as slightly higher bar replaces Ponderosa as Ireland’s highest pub

Fury as slightly higher bar replaces Ponderosa as Ireland’s highest pub

There was sporadic violence on the Glenshane Pass today after locals awoke to find that the famous Ponderosa Bar had been stripped of its ‘Highest Pub in Ireland’ title by a new establishment built a few hundred yards further up the hillside. It is understood that the new pub, called The High Chaparral, was erected


Nokia reintroduces 3310 phone “to sort out Stormont crisis”

Finnish technology firm Nokia has stepped in to rescue the failing Northern Irish political system by relaunching one of its most iconic phone models as the answer to many of the Assembly’s problems. “We have been watching developments in your country with interest,” explains Lumia Ericsson, head of the company’s Random Flights of Fancy Department, “and it


South Armagh lettuce smuggling operation raided by PSNI

As the world vegetable shortage continues to bite, police on both sides of the border have made arrests after a “significant lettuce cache” was uncovered on a farm outside Forkhill in South Armagh. It is believed that smugglers with links to the Republican movement have shifted tactics in recent weeks, moving away from diesel laundering


“Everyone sick of the election now”, says everyone

Politicians across the country are making a last minute bid for votes this evening as the people of Northern Ireland prepare to decide who’ll be in charge when Stormont next has a crisis. However their frantic Twitter and Facebook pleas for support are increasingly falling on deaf ears, with the electorate unanimously in agreement that they’re sick listening to


Surprise as aliens reveal support for DUP

DUP leader Arlene Foster’s campaign to hold on to the First Minister position has received a surprising boost today, the apparent endorsement of aliens from outer space. The news came to light after several mysterious crop circles appeared in fields across Northern Ireland – each one calling on people here to support Foster. According to


Refugee critics get chance to win holiday in Syria

Northern Ireland’s vast collection of Facebook warriors are to be offered the chance to win free holidays in Syria, after they reacted with predictable anger to the arrival of a small group of refugees from that war torn country. Inevitably the news that 57 people, including 20 children, had landed this morning was too much for


Seven things Peter Robinson might be doing

With the election campaign well under way, a certain former First Minster has been conspicuous by his absence. Anyone would think he’d be a liability to the DUP campaign, the way he’s disappeared from view. That got us to thinking where he might be,  and what he might be doing. Here are a few suggestions.