One of the frustrations of being from Northern Ireland is being mistaken for English or Scottish people when we’re away foreign. Sure we speak roughly the same language, but we’re far better looking, funnier and more attractive to the opposite sex, It’s almost insulting that we need to make this guide to be honest… but just to any further avoid confusion, here’s how to spot a Norn Iron person.
They order a side of potatoes with lasagne.
When they meet another Norn Iron person they immediately ask them what school they went to.
When you ask them to do a message they come back with the weekly shop.
“Lemonade” means any type of fizzy drink, including lemonade.
They’ll always promise to “give you a shout” at the end of a conversation.
They are unable to hang up the phone without saying bye bye about 40 times.
Their mum phones them twice a day.
They phone their mum twice a day.
They think a mixed marriage is one between two straight, white people who were baptised in different churches.
Their granny still sends them a £20 note for their birthday, even if they are grown up and earning a clean fortune.
They like ten different types of bread on a fry and will pay over the odds to get it
They say “cheerio” to bus drivers.
They seem to be best friends with every taxi driver they get.
They exhibit cravings for a pint of Harp and a Pastie Bap every Friday.
When they go out for a pint of milk they end up in a riot.
They understand the correct response to ‘what about ye?’ is ‘Aye, and what about ye?’, and not your medical history over the past 24 hours.
They put the word ‘wee’ at the front of everything to make it seem like less hassle.
They’ll start a conversation with a stranger at the bar, and end up being related to them.
They spend 5 minutes in the Chinese Takeaway staring at the big menu on the wall before just asking for a half and half with curry sauce
They will be the ones arguing with the bouncers to get to finish their pint, in the event of a fire alarm/bomb scare/Zombie Apocalypse
They’re usually a pale blue colour, then go red as soon as the sun shines three miles away.