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Pope Francis to tour Ireland in “Poke Mobile” following admin error

Pope Francis to tour Ireland in “Poke Mobile” following admin error

The Pope is set for a highly unusual tour of Ireland in 2018 after an unfortunate clerical gaffe saw the accidental purchase of a humble ice-cream van to replace the world famous Pope Mobile. “Turns out his new secretary is from Ballymoney,” we were told by Cardinal Gino Ginelli, “when he saw that we wanted

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“F**k this for a game of soldiers”, declares everyone

After an eventful 2016 which has taken the lives of countless celebrities, ushered in Brexit, seen Donald Trump elected president and left everyone bickering about stuff, the citizens of planet Earth collectively threw the towel in today it has emerged. “I’m pissed off being pissed off!” admitted local man, Fierce Brosnan. “It just seems like we spend our whole f**king

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The Ulster Fry Guide to… the Moon

According to top scientists like Barra Best we’re supposed to see something called a Supermoon over Northern Ireland tonight, but the chances are we won’t because it’s too cloudy as usual. To make up for this we asked our space correspondent Brian Cocks from Yermagh Planetarium to tell us some science facts about the moon so

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Anti-Trump rioting spreads to Ulster American Folk Park

With riots sweeping the U.S. following the election of Donald Trump, protests have now reached our shores with the PSNI reporting ‘historically accurate civil unrest’ at the Ulster American Folk Park. “The election of Trump is an affront to the memory of Ulster emigrants who made the long journey to new, far-off lands,” said park reenactor Penny Farthing. “He’s not

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America sticks sh**e through its own letterbox

The people of America have woken up with a wild hangover and a bad smell in their hallway after inadvertently getting blocked for 18 months. Across the nation families were carefully opening little plastic containers and bags which they found lying on their doormats, all of which contained the same noxious substance. “Turns out I’d

maine

Maine Lemonade Christmas lorry begins tour of USA

US Politicians set aside their differences today to welcome news that the famous Maine Lemonade Christmas lorry had finally arrived in their divided country. “Your Maine Lemonade is part of the fabric of an American Christmas,” outgoing President Barack Obama told The Ulster Fry. “The founding fathers of our great nation drank it on the

russianmuff

Russian warships now refuelling at Muff Filling Station

Following NATO intervention to block Russian warships from refuelling in Spain earlier today, The Ulster Fry has learned that the fleet were then diverted to the Derry/Donegal border to fill up at the world famous Top Muff Filling Station. “Vladimir Putin is a cunning and ruthless operator” said CIA analyst, Zach Crakensachs. “Our intel suggests he ordered his fleet captains to ‘fill em to

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Donald Trump vows to build wall around Lisburn

US Presidential hopeful Donald Trump has stirred further controversy by telling a packed audience in New York that he’d build a wall around the Northern Ireland town of Lisburn. “We will build a wall around Lisburn, and we will make Lisburn pay for it,” he promised the crowd. “For too long these people have been

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