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Lisburnwall

Mayor of Lisburn refuses to meet Trump as ‘Wall’ stand-off grows

Mayor of Lisburn refuses to meet Trump as ‘Wall’ stand-off grows

The tense stand-off between Donald Trump and Lisburn and Castlereagh Council has reached “crisis levels” according to experts in international diplomacy. President Trump had caused controversy during his election campaign by promising to build a wall around the city, and he has shocked observers by pressing ahead with the plan as soon as he got

buzz

Government places remaining celebrities on endangered species list

The sad passing of George Michael yesterday, combined with the loss of Status Quo’s Rick Parfitt on Christmas Eve, has forced the authorities to issue an immediate ‘cotton wool wrapping’ of all remaining well loved celebrities. “We’re facing a national famous people shortage,” said Major Huge Grant from the Government’s top secret Celebrity Conservation Committee.

space

Northern Ireland ‘not at centre of the universe’, discover Scientists

The world of science has been turned on its head by the findings of a new study conducted by scientists at Caledon Institute of Technology, better known as Caltech. The Co. Tyrone boffins have apparently spent the last few months observing the movement of things called planets, and have come to the shocking conclusion that

facebook2016

“OK, no one wants to remember 2016”, Facebook finally admits

Following the launch of a video generator to remind everyone how great 2016 was, Facebook today admitted that most users are avoiding it because they ‘aren’t clean buck mental’. “With hindsight this was a terrible idea” admitted Facebook manager, Sharon Lyke. “Between Brexit and Trump, the deaths of Muhammad Ali, Prince and Bowie, terrorist attacks and loads more of our favourite celebs kicking

terrorshap

Christmas clubs a recruiting network for terrorists

An exhaustive investigation by The Ulster Fry Insight Team has uncovered convincing evidence that “High Street” Christmas Clubs are secretly recruiting members for terrorist groups across the globe. The clubs, supposedly designed to allow families to save for Christmas, have been established in shops across the country as fronts for groups including ISIS, Boko Haram

pope

Pope Francis to tour Ireland in “Poke Mobile” following admin error

The Pope is set for a highly unusual tour of Ireland in 2018 after an unfortunate clerical gaffe saw the accidental purchase of a humble ice-cream van to replace the world famous Pope Mobile. “Turns out his new secretary is from Ballymoney,” we were told by Cardinal Gino Ginelli, “when he saw that we wanted

carrey

“F**k this for a game of soldiers”, declares everyone

After an eventful 2016 which has taken the lives of countless celebrities, ushered in Brexit, seen Donald Trump elected president and left everyone bickering about stuff, the citizens of planet Earth collectively threw the towel in today it has emerged. “I’m pissed off being pissed off!” admitted local man, Fierce Brosnan. “It just seems like we spend our whole f**king

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Anti-Trump rioting spreads to Ulster American Folk Park

With riots sweeping the U.S. following the election of Donald Trump, protests have now reached our shores with the PSNI reporting ‘historically accurate civil unrest’ at the Ulster American Folk Park. “The election of Trump is an affront to the memory of Ulster emigrants who made the long journey to new, far-off lands,” said park reenactor Penny Farthing. “He’s not

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