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copjeep

Workplace violence erupts in row over who had quietest Christmas

Workplace violence erupts in row over who had quietest Christmas

Reports are coming in that heated workplace debates over who had the quietest Christmas are turning violent. “Up and down the country grey faced office workers are trying to out do each other about who had the most boring time off,” says the commander of the PSNI Riot Squad Walter Cannon. “These things start innocently

holewood

Fury as vandals change Holywood town sign

People in Holywood are described as “quite cross” today after vandals doctored one of the town’s iconic name signs to read “Holewood”. The pranksters appear to have been inspired by events in California, after the famous sign on the Hollywood hills was changed to Hollyweed on New Year’s Eve. Police in the North Down town say that

brownsauce_bap

Naked brown sauce lady “not available in a bap”, insist Castlecourt

Following sensational scenes at Castlecourt today in which a naked woman was smothered in HP sauce, the shopping centre have denied rumours that she’ll soon be available in a bap. “Our protest was supposed to put people off meat!” said a disgruntled Sonya Vanilla-Latte from PETA. “So whilst the lady herself was indeed lovely, we want to dispel these rumours that she’s about

tubesoff

Northern Ireland hit with massive Tube strike

Despite not even having an underground rail network, Northern Ireland has been hit with a country-wide tube strike today as arseholes across the Province skived off work and angrily demanded a pay rise. “Unlike our London comrades, who sadly cancelled their own strike today, we can’t stop NI’s transport system in its tracks by refusing to work” said Ed Melter from the NI Union of

donegalcold

Donegal named “world’s coolest place” following National Geographic blunder

Derry wans are pure raging according to reports, following the bizarre news that the place over the border they go to for dodgy diesel and pokes has been named one of the ‘coolest’ places in the entire world to visit. “Your hole it is!” said Ralph Mullan, a 27 year old retired painter and decorator from Creggan. “I was down in Culdaff last week and Donegal wans still

drummer-boy

Little Drummer Boy rerouted by Parades Commission

With less than six weeks til Christmas The Ulster Fry has learned that The Little Drummer Boy has already been controversially re-routed by the Parades Commission. We understand that the boy had applied to the body to parade along his traditional route from North Belfast into the City Centre, but has now been banned from passing

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