Following the news that many retired paramilitaries have fully embraced democracy and are using their influence to line their pockets, a new paramilitary organisation has been setup to tackle the criminal activity of old paramilitary organisations. "We've had enough of...
A bizarre error has seen the son of God mistakenly make his Easter return to a small Co Antrim village, the Ulster Fry has learned. The mishap occurred after Gideons made an unholy typo in their latest Bible, which now...
Northern Ireland's unemployment problems were sensationally solved overnight after everyone in the country became a fully qualified legal expert, the Ulster Fry has learned. "I can't really explain it" explained 28 year old, Alan McBeal, a newly qualified solicitor who...
Community relations in Northern Ireland have been given a much needed shot in the arm with a plan to twin towns across the community divide. The scheme is the brainchild of top academic Professor Colin Glen, who argues that there's...
Belfast has beaten off stiff competition from Mexico City, Beijing and Strabane to scoop top spot in a United Nations survey of shite traffic. "Our judges spent 3 weeks assessing your road network," we were told by UN Secretary General António...
There were wild celebrations on the street of Katesbridge this morning as it was once again declared the coldest place to live on Planet Earth, even managing to out-founder Castlederg. The Co. Down hamlet is famous the world over for...
A County Armagh man has been stripped of all benefit entitlements after ignoring repeated warnings about wearing his coat indoors. It is understood that government inspectors spotted 43-year-old James Barbour wearing a Parka jacket whilst watching television at 11am this...
Protestants and Catholics actually 'get along grand' claims an undercover investigator, who says community tensions in NI are perpetuated by a team of voice actors who phone into radio stations to make bigoted rants. "We've discovered a group of actors...
A 45-year-old office worker from County Antrim has been dismissed from his job after repeatedly wearing socks with Saturday and Sunday on them during the week. It is understood that Broughshane man Gilbert Sole used the ploy to allow him...
Following the removal of sexy promotional girls from high profile events including Formula 1, darts and road racing, the Northern Ireland Parades Commission have announced they're banning provocatively dressed ladies from all future parades. "For too long now crowds at...

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Ryanair begin charging customers to look out the window

In the aftermath of today's Ryanair theft scandal, in which hackers stole $5 million from the company, the famously frugal airline have announced their latest money-spinning innovation - which charges passengers to look out...