Local News articles


Fury as vandals change Holywood town sign

Fury as vandals change Holywood town sign

People in Holywood are described as “quite cross” today after vandals doctored one of the town’s iconic name signs to read “Holewood”. The pranksters appear to have been inspired by events in California, after the famous sign on the Hollywood hills was changed to Hollyweed on New Year’s Eve. Police in the North Down town say that


Naked brown sauce lady “not available in a bap”, insist Castlecourt

Following sensational scenes at Castlecourt today in which a naked woman was smothered in HP sauce, the shopping centre have denied rumours that she’ll soon be available in a bap. “Our protest was supposed to put people off meat!” said a disgruntled Sonya Vanilla-Latte from PETA. “So whilst the lady herself was indeed lovely, we want to dispel these rumours that she’s about


Northern Ireland hit with massive Tube strike

Despite not even having an underground rail network, Northern Ireland has been hit with a country-wide tube strike today as arseholes across the Province skived off work and angrily demanded a pay rise. “Unlike our London comrades, who sadly cancelled their own strike today, we can’t stop NI’s transport system in its tracks by refusing to work” said Ed Melter from the NI Union of


Donegal named “world’s coolest place” following National Geographic blunder

Derry wans are pure raging according to reports, following the bizarre news that the place over the border they go to for dodgy diesel and pokes has been named one of the ‘coolest’ places in the entire world to visit. “Your hole it is!” said Ralph Mullan, a 27 year old retired painter and decorator from Creggan. “I was down in Culdaff last week and Donegal wans still


Little Drummer Boy rerouted by Parades Commission

With less than six weeks til Christmas The Ulster Fry has learned that The Little Drummer Boy has already been controversially re-routed by the Parades Commission. We understand that the boy had applied to the body to parade along his traditional route from North Belfast into the City Centre, but has now been banned from passing


Peace Process under threat as dissidents switch to Samsung Note 7

There are growing concerns for peace and prosperity in Northern Ireland after reports emerged that dissident factions of both Republican and Loyalist terror groups have begun stockpiling the deadly Samsung Note 7. The PSNI have started patrolling shopping centres across the Province following the news, in an attempt to ward off the threat of terrorists arming themselves at