Northern Ireland is well on the way to becoming the world's largest pothole, a major international conference was told today. Addressing the World Holeiologist Society, Professor Gar MacAdam told his fellow experts that a lack of roads investment "combined with...
Police have launched a major investigation after thieves made off with sweets valued at over £35 million from the Belfast Continental Market Pick and Mix stall. The officers believe that a "highly sophisticated group of criminals" carried out the audacious...
Holywood was controversially awarded the coveted Golden Hole trophy at a lavish ceremony in the Europa Hotel today, leading to allegations of corruption from defeated rivals Bangor. The town was languishing in third place behind its larger neighbour and shock...
The PSNI had launched a 'major sting operation' targeted against alarm clocks and similar devices. "These items cause untold misery on a daily basis," we were told by Sergeant Tim Peace from the PSNI's Clock Squad. "Hopefully this will go some way...
Arseholes across Northern Ireland are preparing for their traditional "Festival of Shite", an annual event which sees them emerge from their houses at night to let off fireworks randomly in towns and villages. Arseholes have a long and proud history...
Following an angry reaction to news that a recruitment drive would focus on the LGBT community, the PSNI's top brass have relented and confirmed that they would try to hire loads of homophobes to redress the balance. The news had brought the expected objections on...
There were jubilant scenes across Northern Ireland today, after the PSNI unveiled a revolutionary new 'Sunday Driving Curfew', which will force people who don't actually know how to drive properly to do it before noon each Sabbath day. "Now that we're not always knocking...
Two alleged criminals from East Belfast were forced to leave their homes today after police officers knocked on their doors and intimidated them with the law, the Ulster Fry understands. "They just rocked up and told they had to leave!" revealed nosey neighbour,...
In a move described as 'highly unusual' by police, Loyalist Paramilitaries have issued a threat against themselves in East Belfast. "Apparently it's part of a crackdown on anti-social behaviour," said Chief Inspector Keith N Spector. "They seem to have finally...
There has been sporadic rioting in parts of Belfast today after it emerged that an English Primary School has banned sausage rolls from its pupils' lunchboxes. It is understood that people took to the streets after learning that Shirley Manor Primary in...

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Ryanair begin charging customers to look out the window

In the aftermath of today's Ryanair theft scandal, in which hackers stole $5 million from the company, the famously frugal airline have announced their latest money-spinning innovation - which charges passengers to look out...